Caleb- Through Daddy's Eyes

This post was written by Andy who has a unique understanding of our little guy and a great way of writing about him.

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Caleb Walsh, the hardest working man in the Empire

By now you are probably familiar with the exploits of Margot, Sal, Ziggy, Bella, Queenie, and the plethora of Mexican relatives that form Sadie's imaginary posse. Well, not to be outdone, Caleb has started accumulating his own band of adventurers for his own ongoing saga. But unlike Sadie, Caleb has chosen his companions from the ranks of the various stories and video games he enjoys so much. That's probably not surprising, given how much time the boy spends with his nose in a book. And he is at the age where many boys get engrossed in the world of superheroes, globe trotters, and space adventurers. There's just one little detail that makes me a little concerned: Caleb keeps siding with the villains.

Now, as a parent, you worry about your kids falling in with the wrong crowd. But how do you prepare for you kid becoming friends with supervillains and video game bosses? Of all the characters in the Star Wars universe, Caleb likes to spend time with Emperor Palpatine, evil despot of the Galactic Empire. After playing Super Mario Brothers, Caleb decided to be friends with Bowser, the scourge of the Mushroom Kingdom. He plays with supervillains, Batman's rogue gallery, notorious bounty hunters, and ne'er-do-wells from all sorts of fictional universes. Just where did I go wrong as a father?

Did I do something wrong? By teaching my son that making a few bad choices doesn't make him a bad person, have I blinded him to the fact that there is true evil in the world? Or should I be learning from him? Does he have a capacity for unconditional friendship that I should be seeking to emulate? Perhaps it would help to understand just what it is that makes Caleb choose these friends. Does he have ambitions of global domination, a penchant for mayhem, or perhaps a desire for untold riches? Well, if his ongoing stories are any indication, what Caleb likes best about the forces of evil is not any of these things. No, he's in it for the anonymity of mid-level service positions.

He may be boyhood friends with the emperor of the Galaxy, but there is no job too small for Caleb. He's the tractor beam operator, the TIE fighter repairman, the AT-AT pilot. He tended to the Sarlacc when it was just a baby. The other day he gave Dr. Freeze an eye exam; I can only assume he provides optometry services for all supervillains. He appears to take great pride in doing the jobs that no one else ever seems to have time to do in these fictional worlds. So, why not use all of his prodigious talents for good? As near as I can tell, it's because heroes don't have legions of nameless minions. You see, while he enjoys playing in these worlds, he can't imagine trying to be one of the characters. Those are other people, not him. And since the nature of these stories don't really allow for anonymous heroes, the only place for him is among the ranks of the bad guys.

Caleb loves his books; he wouldn't dare change them just to suit his own pretending. That would violate his Prime Directive. So he goes to some pretty extraordinary lengths to dance between the raindrops of established continuity, to find a way to be a part of the stories as they are. Hence he works behind the scenes, fixing machines, building satellites, and generally keeping the lights on, all the while bearing witness to these epic tales. He always manages to be right there whenever something important is happening. But at just the wrong (right?) moment, fate will intervene to keep Caleb from having any impact. "I was just about to grab Chewbacca, but I tripped." "I tried to leap into action, but I fell into the sand and got stuck." "I almost stopped Han Solo, but Emperor Palpatine had been eating fruit and I slipped on a banana peel." These near misses never bother him; whatever happened couldn't have happened any other way.

Maybe one day Caleb will get to be the hero of his own story. I guess being friends with a villain doesn't always mean you have to become one yourself. Many heroes were close friends with their archnemesis at some point. Caleb's compassion and selfless desire to help others certainly seem like traits of a hero, not a villain. And he's certainly learning a lot of useful skills. His favorite stories may be set in stone, but his story is still largely unwritten. I look forward to seeing it unfold. And in the meantime, whenever I watch "Star Wars" and see that Storm Trooper smack his head on a door as he makes his way through the Death Star, I'll know that isn't just any faceless henchman. That's my Caleb, the hardest working man in the Empire.

Romeo and Juliet at McDonalds

The other day was conference day. The kids' preschool does parent/teacher conferences twice a year and they're pretty helpful (especially with trying to judge where Caleb is with things). The disappointing thing about conferences is that they are on a school day so no school and normally that's not a bad thing but when you've missed most of January due to snow and ice it's kind of frustrating to have another day off for the kids.

Well, to reward them for making it through their first, mostly full week of school since December, I decided to take them to McDonald's. There's one near our house that has a nice indoor playground and the kids have been bugging me to go there since we moved out here.

We got there, ordered and went to sit and eat in the play area. I have to say, it was nicer than I had expected. It was clean and most importantly, it didn't smell funny. The kids were really good and ate their lunches. Caleb even ate the chicken nuggets (he's been objecting to them on past trips) When they finished eating, I let them play. There were quite a few kids there and I would say, in less than 10 minutes, Sadie had a little boy just a bit older than her, following her around.

The kids all played for awhile. I was excited to see Caleb involved in the games too. They were pretty much just chasing each other through the tubes and while it makes me nervous, I was happy that things were going so well. Caleb is doing better with other kids but when he gets excited, he can seem aggressive. He yells and growls a lot which other kids can interpret as threatening and, well, we've had things escalate to where he's hitting. Previously this wasn't such a big problem but as he's getting bigger and older it's a more difficult situation. Most parents don't expect a 5 yr old to be hitting and without understanding his circumstances, it makes for a very uncomfortable situation.

I sat back and let the kids enjoy playing for a while and it was nice. They came over for some sips of milk and to check on their Happy Meal prizes. Then I noticed that Sadie was spending more time with her little friend and Caleb was off on his own. Again, this happens some time so I wasn't too concerned. Then I noticed Sadie and her friend running away from Caleb and I started paying a bit more attention. Sure enough, Sadie's little friend was getting a little possessive of the Sadie-girl and didn't seem to want to share her attention, even with her big brother.

Caleb came by and I told him they could each do one more thing and then we would get ready to go. Of course the one thing Caleb wanted to do was to sit in a car with Sadie and Sadie didn't want to leave her friend. I tried to persuade Caleb to let her have some space and then I tried to persuade Sadie to indulge her brother and none of it was working. Caleb started getting upset and I was done and so announced that we were going home. This was when Sadie's little friend decided to come over and taunt Caleb for having to go home. Big mistake!!

Mama bear kicked in and I gave the little guy a very serious mommy-glare and said "Do Not Do That. We Don't Act Like That." Not yelling, but talking very sternly to this young man who quickly backed off and got quiet.

I calmed Caleb down and then had an upset Sadie who wasn't ready to go (of course- did I mention, this started out like a great way to spend the afternoon?) I tried to explain to Sadie that if she and her friend couldn't be nice and play with Caleb, then we couldn't stay. Sadie was heart-broken and so I had to help her with her shoes. I was done. While doing this, I noticed her little friend inching back over towards us. I told Sadie she should say good bye to her friend as he came over. He got very close and very sweetly said "Good-bye Sadie, I love you." Sadie rattled off a "Good-bye, I love you" too and that was the end.

I was sooooo done with McDonald's and soooooo not ready for my 4 yr old to have little boys telling her they love her.

We are in soooooo much trouble with this one

questions....

Here's my question... how do you explain heaven and being part of God's family to a 5 yr old who doesn't like change?

We have a great church. We have a great church with a great children's ministry and Miss Sherry is absolutely wonderful with the kids. Yesterday was Sadie's first time as a 4 yr old in the 4 yr old class for children's church. This class is in the big room and i think the ages are 4-7 yrs old. It was a big change but she seemed to do well, especially since she could sit next to her brother.

We didn't hear much about the morning until dinner time last night. Then Caleb started telling us about Nicodemus. Then Sadie gave her very good explanation for being born again in her most serious voice "Jesus had to come and save us from our sins." And Caleb added that Granny was born again but she didn't become a baby again. I was very excited to see our kids working through this and eager to see where it went.

Knowing that my husband became Christian as a child, I prompted "Hey guys, you know, Daddy is born again?" And he explained to the kids how he prayed with his mommy and daddy when he was little to be able to go to heaven.

So there it was, we had talked about being born again, about being in God's family, about going to heaven. Were the kids ready to pray? I asked "Do you think you want to go to heaven?" Sadie very quickly nodded and said "yes, sure do." I looked at Caleb "I don't think so."

Then we realized, this boy will resist going to Disney World just because it's different and unfamiliar. It doesn't matter how great heaven is, he's not going to want to go. So how do we explain this to him? I found it to be a funny turn of events. I'm confident that God knows his heart and therefore knows his struggles so I'm not too worried that we didn't pray last night. I think it will be interesting to watch how God moves in his heart to help him understand these things.

The Case of the Missing Zuzu Pet

It was a quiet afternoon in the Walsh house. Mom and the kids had finally finished un-decorating the Christmas tree. Suddenly, Sadie appeared with her Zuzu pet that she had gotten for Christmas. In order to travel, Daddy had wisely removed the batteries (on/off switches should be required for all toys) but Mommy wasn't sure where he had put them.

"Wait 'til Daddy comes home" Mommy told Sadie and she happily bounded away to find new fun and wait for Daddy. The Zuzu pets were forgotten... or so we thought.

After dinner, Sadie found her pet once again and asked to get it working. Daddy took over and soon we had a Zuzu pet rolling and squeaking around the floor. Daddy also mentioned to Caleb that if he brought his Zuzu pet over, Daddy would fix it too.

"But I don't know where it is" Caleb answered.

We sent him upstairs to look for it and sent Sadie with him- since she was the one who had found them first. The kids searched upstairs for a bit and came down empty-handed and disappointed so Daddy and Mommy began searching too. We searched book bags and other possible places downstairs but couldn't find anything. So we went upstairs. After a bit more searching, success! Caleb's Zuzu pet was right in the middle of his bedroom floor!

"Guys, how did you not see Caleb's Zuzu pet on the floor? What were you looking for?" Daddy asked.

"We were looking for footprints and found some and followed them downstairs" Caleb explained.

Not sure what Zuzu pet footprints look like and really not sure what footprints they were following.

New Pictures!

So last spring I picked up a backdrop stand to use with my photography and it's been the best thing! I didn't manage to get the kids out doors for their photos this year so I set up the back drop and used our extra room as a studio to snap some birthday/Christmas pictures of the kids.

It wasn't as extensive of a photo session as my clients get but then my kids are so used to having the camera in their faces that they object quite a bit when I try to convince them to model for me. Sadie, though, if promised make-up, will be quite the model.

I don't have a ton to share- still finishing up client work for the holidays- but I had to post these so my mom could see them :-)

finding balance when illness happens

i love my kids. i really, really, deep down in my soul, do-anything-for-them, love my kids. that said, there are moments where i don't know how to do that best or show it equally and that's something that i'm finding so hard.

i think it's more difficult when you have a kid with special needs and i'm still trying to get used to thinking about Caleb in that way. i always find myself trying to minimize and downplay his struggles, not that they are huge struggles but that almost if i accept them it makes his diagnosis more real. i still have difficulty accepting that he's on the spectrum and that he's going to struggle with things and i still forget that struggles aren't always bad for us.

anyways...

Caleb and Sadie each demand a lot of attention and for very different reasons. Caleb struggles with social situations and managing his tantrums and outbursts. Each week he spends 8 hours with his TSS and a couple of hours with his BSC and now we're adding occupational therapy to the mix. all of these things help him a great deal but it's a lot of attention that i think he would prefer not to have. on the other hand, Sadie will not be ignored. she almost seems to crave attention, at least most of the time and when big brother seems to be getting a lot of attention, it can be very difficult for a little girl.

a few weeks ago (Saturday), Sadie came down with a fever. not super high but significant enough to slow her down. we didn't see anything else wrong with her and so we administered ibuprofen and figured it would clear up in a day or two. Monday came and the fever was still there and still making her uncomfortable. we'd give her medicine in the morning, about lunch she would perk up for a bit and then by the afternoon she would be miserable. Tuesday morning was originally supposed to be her 4 yr checkup but instead became a sick visit when they saw the fever. the doctor looked her over and i still thought we were going to be sent home, convinced that she had the flu and kicking myself for not getting her the vaccine weeks ago at her brother's appointment. our doctor instead had a very serious tone and said that he wanted tests done. he mentioned mono, TB and the need for a chest x-ray and then the possibility of this Kawasaki syndrome, a very serious concern that would require a stay in the hospital. he pointed out Sadie's swollen lymph node on her neck- "her hurt neck" that i thought was code for a sore throat. then it was off to Children's for her tests.

for the rest of the week, Sadie became my focus. trying to take care of her fever, keep an eye out for other symptoms and generally be there for her. at the same time, trying to keep things as normal as possible for Caleb. Wednesday afternoon was the most difficult and the most conflicting moment for me. i noticed a red rash on the back of Sadie's shoulder and after reading up on the symptoms of Kawasaki (thank you webMD), knew that i needed to call the doctor. i filled him in on the change in her condition and he promised to call back with directions for us. Caleb was working with his TSS, a usual Wednesday afternoon but at the same time a lighter schedule then usual. at 3:15 the doctor's office called asking us to be there for 3:45. from the new house it takes us a good 20-30 min to get into Shadyside but i said we'd be there. i went upstairs and told Caleb we needed to go to the doctor's office for Sadie. he immediately said no and then the struggle began.

my little guy had no understanding of Sadie's need to get to the doctor's not because he didn't care but simply because he was focused on this unexpected change in his day. when he gets hit with these changes, sometimes he just says no and that's when i don't always know what to do. thankfully, i had his TSS there. she worked with him, talking to him, explaining to him, and coaxing him when i just didn't have the time or the patience to. i went back downstairs and gathered up Sadie. i took her down to the garage. Caleb still was refusing to come. i put her in the car and felt so bad leaving her sick and miserable even for the few moments it would take to go back upstairs to get her brother. again, thankfully, Caleb continued to refuse to go but he didn't tantrum. he's had trouble lately with tantrums and has had a few recently that lasted a good 20 minutes- time i didn't have in this instant. he let me carry him to the car, no shoes and no jacket. he also let me put him in and buckle him up. this would not have happened if he had been mid-tantrum. have you ever tried to buckle a 5 yr old in a seatbelt? it doesn't work well. i was so thankful that it went as smoothly as it did.

however, it still frustrated me that at this moment when i really needed to focus just on Sadie, i couldn't. i don't know, maybe i'm naive to think that parenting can be balanced that easily, maybe it's always going to be a give and take with my two. it did make me worry that Sadie might feel that she never gets the spotlight completely- that maybe she will continue to "demand" our attention to balance out all that we need to give her brother. it's a very frustrating situation to be in.

we made it to the doctor's relatively on time. her doctor was pretty confident that it was Kawasaki and got in contact with Children's. then he sent us home to wait one more day. Thursday morning we got the go ahead to take her to the hospital and get her admitted. fortunately, Caleb's preschool is fairly close to the hospital so he got to go to preschool, and we got to get Sadie set up in the hospital.

she was very brave getting an IV and numerous temp and blood pressure checks. they did an echo-cardiogram and finally started her treatment, an immuno-globulin drip. she bounced back pretty quick and enjoyed getting to watch a bunch of movies and cartoons, not to mention all the get well presents that appeared.

Friday afternoon, Caleb came to visit and he was able to see that Sadie was okay and that the hospital wasn't as scary as he thought it would be. they even spent a couple hours playing in the playroom together.

after a day of observation, Sadie was released to go home and we were all thankful to have her back.

she's expected to make a complete recovery. she has a follow-up echo-cardiogram in January and until then, she's enjoying a baby aspirin a day to prevent clotting and keep her heart in good shape in case there was any damage to it. we're so thankful that everything went so well.

and now things are back to normal... or as normal as they get here :-)

Out with the trash

This morning was a difficult morning. No, this morning was an almost impossible morning- a feverish 4 yr old, a tantrum-ing 5 yr old, and a mommy quickly learning that her quiet morning to herself was going poof. For extra fun, add poop on the floor, a naked tantrum-ing 5 yr old, and the added drama that illness needs when your 4 yr old is a diva in the making. It was not fun.

The real parenting moment though, was when Caleb, finally bathed, calmed and in fresh pjs, looked at me with watery eyes and a pout-y mouth and asked if I was going to put him out with the trash. It was heartbreaking to hear and immediately my eyes teared up too. I told him that I would never do that and that no matter what, he will always be my favorite boy. Then he asked why and again my heart just melted as I hugged him and, looking him in the eye, assured him that I love him so very much.

It made me think that no matter how much people tell us that they love us sometimes, in some moments, we still need that reassurance that their love will always be there.