It's been awhile. I've been crazy busy catching up on wedding photos and the usual insanity of parenting and running a business. There have been many moments when I've thought, I need to write this down but just didn't find the time. This evening I had another one of those moments and I'm determined to get it recorded.
Today was C's IFPT (or maybe ISPT) meeting. I don't know what the letters actually stand for so it makes it challenging to remember what it's exactly called. In short, this is a meeting we have every 6 months to renew C's treatment plan, all to satisfy the insurance company. It's a hassle. It's not very fun. I feel very useless in these meetings but it's the necessary evil to continue his supports so I'll sit there quietly and be good. During this meeting the BSC talks with the case worker(?) usually over the phone. She goes over things that have improved and then goes over the laundry list of issues that still need work. Then the BSC checks in with the psychologist to clarify that everything is as it should be and we're done. It takes very little time and in all honesty, I'm so thankful for the team of people working with my boy. I'm so thankful that he has these supports. I just get so frustrated by how complicated the whole system is. I often feel like I need a manual to understand who does what.
But that's not the success part. The boy has come far and life is so much easier than it once was. Case in point... after dinner, the boy was (as usual) expecting a round of video games. I had the fun task of informing him that video games were off the schedule due to the extended computer time he and his enjoyed this afternoon. Success #1- no tantrum. A year ago, this would have sent him over the edge- a change that he wasn't expecting. Tonight he paced. You could see the anxiety building. He was holding his hands. He was trying to negotiate. I offered a board game as an alternative. He settled down and disappeared. Crisis averted.
We actually didn't see him for the rest of the evening. He was upstairs reading. I checked on him and he continued to read. It was a nice quiet evening. S busied herself working on some puzzles in a coloring book and C eventually came down and started helping her. It was such a sweet moment. Then it was bedtime so I sent them to go get pjs on.
Another unexpected twist. The boy didn't get his board game. We didn't know he was set on playing the game. He wanted to play Monopoly. It was 10 minutes to bedtime, not enough time even to play a shortened version. He was once again on the verge, pacing, getting louder and more agitated. I pulled him into my lap. Sometimes squeezes help him process. I explained that I didn't know that he was still expecting the game. I offered to put the game on the schedule for tomorrow. He was not sold but he was not flipping out either. It took a bit of time and some silliness and ultimately making a check list for tomorrow, crossing everything off until we get to Monopoly tomorrow afternoon. He was willing to put on his pjs while I made the list. The list is on the fridge waiting for tomorrow. The boy is happily in bed and I'm happy to have been able to talk him through this. Success again!
I know this probably seems like nothing. Some may even think we're coddling him by talking him through these things instead of "laying down the law" but I've been there so many times. This isn't defiance. That's what is so challenging with his Asperger's. He's not deliberately trying to disobey. He wasn't avoiding going to bed. These deviations from his expectations produce genuine anxiety and sometimes he has more difficulty coping than others. Yelling doesn't help. We're at the point where we really need to talk him through these feelings, to help him to identify things he could have done differently. It's a process but it helps. It's probably a good way to parent any child, at least when I have the patience for it.
But I'll take this success and enjoy these moments.
