another reader...

So as I mentioned before, the blog has been neglected.  Blame busy-ness with family, with photography, or we can even blame it on not knowing what to write.  Sometimes that's how it is.  I spend a lot of time reading blogs- blogs about family, blogs about photography, blogs about autism.  There are so many people writing so many things and writing them in a much better way than I can, with my hopeless grammatical errors and run-on sentences.  Sometimes, I feel like I'm just adding to the clutter that is the internet today and then I think about why I write and it's not really for the world but for my kids to someday see, for my family to understand us better, to be able to stay connected when we're spread out all over the place.  That's why I write and so here's another post that should have been done months ago...

We have another reader in the family.  The Sadie-girl has been reading for several months now and if I was a better mother, I would have the date that she first read me a story but I don't.  I'm horrible with dates and so we'll leave it at sometime within the past 6 months she started reading.  I'm pretty sure that her the first book she read was Mrs. Wishy-Washy.  It's a really cute story and she memorized it so quickly.  That was another part of the challenge in declaring her a reader.  She memorized things first and it wasn't until recently that she was really able to read without relying only on memorizing the story.

The little girl has been desperate to read since she was 2.  She would see big brother reading and wanted to do it so badly herself.  She would take her books and look at the pages, saying in the most pitiful, frustrated voice "I just can't read the words, Mommy.  I just can't do it."  and I would try to reassure her that brother couldn't read the words when he was 2 either.  As they each grew, she handled it well and brother was so nice, being willing to read to her most of the time.

We didn't push her to learn this.  We didn't really do anything with either of them except to do a lot of reading.  Seriously, A LOT of reading.  These kids could happily kill an entire afternoon sitting in their beds reading and re-reading books.  But then, their parents could also happily kill an entire afternoon laying in bed reading.  We're a family of readers.  That's what we do.  Case in point... this is how we spend our vacation at the beach, towels, umbrellas, beach chairs and plenty of books.

I'm thrilled that my kids love books.  I'm thrilled to watch Sadie going back through all of her old books and reading them to herself, rediscovering them for herself.  I can see that she feels empowered by it and I love that she feels that way.  Her favorite treat at Easter this year was getting her first chapter book.  Yep, we quickly jumped from beginning readers to chapter books.  It's still a little challenging to her but she has loved it and she has no problem making up a word if she gets stuck on one she doesn't know when she's reading.  At the library, she's been requesting the American Girl books.  She's been hoping for these (and for a doll) for about a year now.  We've said no doll until she can read the books.  Looks like this year might be the year for her first American Girl doll.  She seems to be leaning towards Kit but she's also enjoying the Felicity stories.  We'll have to wait and see what happens.

And so, here is a little video clip of Sadie reading Mrs. Wishy-washy for you all.  Enjoy!

sometimes

I wrote this awhile ago but never finished it.  I had to get it out in the heat of the moment.  I had to record it because I was feeling so much.  As I said, I didn't finish it.  I ran out of time.  Had to stop to start supper.  The moment passed.  The feelings dissipated.  We all moved on.  It's a memory now, replaced by other successes and other setbacks.  That seems to be how this goes.  2 steps forward, 1 step back.  And I know our struggles are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things but they're our struggles and we still feel the hurts that they cause.  I went back to it today.  Finished it a little more and felt that I had to share.  I always stress about writing about my boy's asperger's.  I stress about others reading what I've written as much as I stress about not sharing it.  But in the end, I share it and hope that maybe someone reads it and understands us and feels better because they've been in that place too.

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just because i want you to get it...
there was this party a while back.  all the boys in his class invited for hotdogs and fun.  it started out great.  he was excited to try a hotdog (hasn't eaten one since turning 1 yr but thanks to some surgery, now he can).  he took a big bite and declared it yummy.  i got tears in my eyes.  eating without gagging or vomiting hasn't happened since about 16 mos. 

he was playing with the boys.  light saber battles.  footballs being tossed around.  any 6 yr old's dream.  and then the water guns came out.  the first melt down after getting squirted.  we don't tolerate wet clothes especially after a week of just coping with school.  another boy yelling that my boy squirted him first.  i pull my boy aside and calm him down.  pointing out that he knows that's the rule in the swimming pool and it's no different here.  if you squirt, expect to be squirted back.  he loves it in the swimming pool.  he loves it in his bathing suit (clothes that are designated for getting wet) he sits by himself for a while.  he's still unhappy.  a wet shirt, nothing that he wants to drink, not being allowed to go wander inside and find a book. 

he perks up and i think he's going to recover.  he goes back to play for a little bit.  his shirt is already dry.  he's happy again.  then he's accidentally squirted.  we're done.  the crying begins.  a big meltdown.  it's just been too much for him.  he's really having trouble calming down.  the boys are watching.  the parents are watching (i don't really know any of them). 

i'm defeated.  i'm afraid he's going to be labeled as a baby for being upset over getting squirted when all the other boys were loving it. it hits me again that he's different.  it's not bad to be different but in this case, it's a lot more difficult.  as someone who always wanted to blend in to the point of being invisible, it's tough having a child that can really stand out at times- and come to think of it, i have 2 that stand out in very different ways.  my heart hurts for my boy because i know he wants to be a part of it all.  i also know that he's craving that quiet space to himself with his book, shutting out the world around him and going into Harry's world.

i know there will be successes.  there will be so many successes.  my boy will do great things.  but the setbacks still hurt especially when they're right after a big success.

i write this because i don't want pity.  i don't want to even be told that everything is fine and will be fine and there will be other parties and other successes.  i know that.  i don't doubt that in the least.  i just want someone to get what dealing with asperger's is.  what dealing with an autism spectrum disorder is.  i want to hear, "yeah, we've been there too and sometimes it just sucks"  because sometimes, when you're having to leave the party when the other kids are still having fun... it really sucks.

Video Clip Blast

So my little point and shoot camera, a Canon Powershot A590, is my trusty video recorder and so that's what I pull out for our family videos.  Back when we were first expecting, one of the first things we purchased was a little video camera.  Sadly, it wasn't our best decision.  While I'm quite comfortable snapping away still images, I've never gotten into video recording.  It could be the fact that I hate the sound of my voice when I take movies or it could be that it was also my stepdad (Papa Joe) or my brother taking movies when we were growing up so I was never comfortable picking up the video camera.  Anyways, our little video camera has been hardly touched over the years and I have become much more comfortable taking little video clips with my still camera.  And of course, a 5 min clip can more than capture a moment.  We don't really need to sit there watching a half hour of the kids riding their bikes in a circle even if they are the most amazing kids in the world ;-)

Today was Sadie's ballet recital.  Well, not exactly.  They don't do recitals but instead invite parents to watch their class on the last day and do a little performance.  This meant busting out my trusty P&S to hopefully capture a few moments of my little ballerina wiggling and giggling and do everything un-ballerina-like in addition to her barre exercises.

This also meant cleaning off the memory card afterwards and posting all the video clips that I've captured but failed to post anywhere.

So here we are.  Several video clips taken over the past few months.  Enjoy all of my aunts out there who patiently wait for me to update this page.  I'll try to do better over the next few months :-)

If you would like to see more ballet clips, send me an email and I'll send you a link to them.  There were too many to post here.