Advent- Day 6

December 6

Advent 2011

So we have several advent calendars but one that is a Bible verse each day.  I've been recording the kids reading them each night and then planned on having Andy magically turn them into a movie but thought it might be better to share our readings each day.  So here are the first 5.  Enjoy!

and please excuse the quality of the video.  it's shot with my little canon powershot in low light which means lots of grain...

December 1

December 2

December 3

December 4

December 5

Merry Christmas and remember the real reason for the season :-)

and thanks to g'ma for the verses

A Boy and his Books

The boy loves books.  It's no secret and actually we've had to use books as punishment in recent weeks.  When the boy is misbehaving or non-compliant, the more clinical term, we've taken away video games...

"That's okay Mommy.  Video games were not on my schedule tonight" (yep, we're always referring to our schedule in this house)

So then we take away TV shows.  The recent favorites are Word Girl and Wild Kratz.

"That's okay Mommy.  I didn't want to watch them this afternoon"

So Mommy, with steam coming out of her ears but keeping a very calm voice...

"Well, I'm sorry Caleb but if you're not going to get dressed for school, I can't let you read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (for the 18th time)."  And the boy's eyes grow wide.  "But I need my books.  If I don't have my books, I can't learn."  At 6 yrs old this boy has such a desire to know everything and books are his key.  It's beautiful and heartbreaking.  And Mommy just keeps thinking how crazy this whole situation is.  And the boy is heartbroken but he gets dressed. 

I don't even set a length of time for Harry to be in timeout but the boy goes to school.  He has a really difficult day.  He tells his teacher that Mommy broke his heart.  He tells his TSS that Mommy hurt his heart and needs to apologize.  And Mommy's heart breaks a little more each time she hears.  Tough love sucks but Mommy has to stick to her guns.  Time and time again we see that consistency is the best thing for him.

Harry is on the table in the living room.  It never even got put up.  It doesn't have to be.  The TSS asks the boy if he wants to read.  She suggests Harry Potter.  The boy says, "No, I'm not supposed to read it."

We talk a little bit later.  It's been a rough few weeks.  The boy has taken us on quite a roller coaster.  That's what it's like sometimes.  Despite the rigidness, the rules, Asperger's remains very unpredictable.  He's sorry for being difficult.  He repeats the phrase and sometimes I know he means it.  Sometimes I think it's just another script.  This time it doesn't matter.  I tell him I'm sorry that I hurt his heart.  I tell him that my heart hurt to.  I give the boy back his Harry Potter and he's happily back in Diagon Alley watching as Harry gathers his supplies for school.

Apologies...

I used to hate being late.  Granted, I never wanted to be early either.  To have to awkwardly wait for someone, all the time wondering in my head if they were still coming, if I had gotten the time or location mixed up, if they wanted to see me at all.  All that anxiety over a silly meet up.  It can be tough when you don't want to be late but also don't want to be early but I've learned that I seem to be a walking contradiction.

But my problems were solved when I had kids and then when I had 2 kids under 2, at least this problem was.  You can't expect a new parent to be on time or even crazier, early, for anything.  Wrangling 2 children who can't hardly do anything for themselves... this was just the excuse that I needed.  I could let go of the guilt of being late.  I wouldn't have to stress about being early.  And should planets align and I actually arrive early for something, I could just sit back and take pride in the fact that I managed to get 2 monkeys shod, dressed and into carseats.  It would be a good day.

Then the kids grew.  They became more independent and they became more independent.  It was no longer a victory to get the shoes on their feet.  It was a victory to get them to want to put shoes on their feet.  Free will can be such a frustrating thing.

I'm now back to wanting to be on time.  I'm expected to be on time and yet, it continues to be a next to impossible task.  You see, the challenges have changed.

"Caleb, it's time to get shoes on and go to church"

"No" or my new favorite phrase (sarcasm alert) "I don't feel like it"

And the challenge begins.  Can I think fast enough to get the boy to want to go out into the world or do we plow through a fit until he finally gives in and accepts that mama is getting her way?  This is life on the spectrum.  The boy would love to spend every day, every hour of every day, at home with his nose in a book.  Sure the boy enjoys going to school, playing at the playground, going to the library but not always enough to take that first step in getting ready and out the door.

I don't often plan outings after coming home from school.  If we come home for lunch, most days, we're not going back out, unless it's to OT (that's part of the weekly routine so that's okay).  After convincing him to get up and get ready for school, it's just tiring to have to convince him to go out again especially when mama can sympathize with his desire to just be home.  Mama also likes to just be home.  This is life on the spectrum sometimes.

So getting the boy out the door when he knows it's what he has to do (like going to school) can be challenging.  Try getting the boy out the door when it's unexpected, like to the doctors.  This can be tricky, unless of course, he's too sick to really put up a fight.

Today our fun was whether or not there was school for Veteran's Day.  We all were up and the boy said that he didn't have to go to school (and no, this is not my guy trying to get out of school.  we don't really play those games on our part of the spectrum).  I said okay but let me check your folder and there I made my first blunder.  You see I have trouble reading all the words.  I can't explain it but my husband knows full well that I skim and I don't do it very well.  If I have anything important to read, I give it to him.  It's really sad but that's how I am.  And so I skimmed the weekly notice in his folder and sure enough saw the note, No School, Friday November...  Kind of skipped over the entire date.  So I told Daddy, the boy is right.  No school.  Of course my 6 yr old knows these things.  He knows lots of things, like that giant squids migrate.  The girl, we question.  The boy, not so much.  So Daddy took Sadie to school, Caleb started pouring over the toy catalog for the umpteenth time and I went to check email.

Then my phone rings.  It's Daddy.

"Are you sure he doesn't have school?  There are kids at the bus stop"

"I swear his folder said no but I'll check again"

Um, yeah, No School, Friday, November 5 for conferences.  Crap, crap, crap.

And of course, my boy is now set on staying home.  I employ all the usual parenting techniques.  I bribe- if you go to school, Daddy and I have a special surprise for you this afternoon.  I threaten- you know what happens when you stay home from school and you're not sick (the police come).  I mean business- Caleb, this is unacceptable.  You are expected to get ready and go to school.  I threaten again- if you don't get dressed, I'll send you to school in your pjs.

I thought that we were headed for another meltdown.  We had one earlier this week and I really didn't want to deal with it again.  I gave him one more chance... Mommy's going to get dressed.  You have 2 minutes to get yourself ready to go to school (I don't even have an or else because I'm out of ideas).  And while I go down the hall to my room a little voice asks for 3 minutes.  This just isn't going to go well.  I get dressed and start back towards his room.  Okay, buddy, I gave you 4 minutes.  A whole extra minute (in my most enthusiastic voice.  It's all about not showing fear).  He's under his covers.  This isn't good.  I cheerfully pull off the covers and declare it's time to get ready.  I pull out his comfy pants from his drawer and I'm met with a compliant little guy, ready to get dressed and go to school.

I don't know how it happens.  It's so stinkin' unpredictable.  I can't always tell when one thing will work and when it won't.  Life on the spectrum sometimes... you have to think quick and always be willing to bend and yet still keep your expectations consistent.  And yet, my part of the spectrum is so easy compared to some.

So, my apologies if you find yourself waiting for me.  I do value your time and I do admit that sometimes its my own fault that I'm running behind, sometimes it's the girl dawdling trying to find her missing sunglasses because she can't bear to go out to face her public without them, but sometimes it's life on the spectrum throwing us a curve.

The Sadie-Lady is 5!

pumpkins!

Big things, really big things, happened last week.  Halloween, trick-or-treating, carving pumpkins, the ballet, the circus coming to town.  Lots of excitement but probably (at least according to Sadie) the most exciting thing happened on Wednesday, Nov 2.  Yep, that's the day that the little girl turned 5 and I couldn't have anticipated how excited she was about this.  She now checks that her clothes all have 5T on them instead of 4.  If there's a 4, you wouldn't believe the face I get- a mixture of disappointment and frustration.  How could I still let my 5 yr old wear 4T clothes?!  And there we can see that we will not be growing out of our flair for the dramatic...

But we are happy to have a healthy, active and bright 5 yr old.  Not a day goes by where we're not completely amazed by her- either by her complete rottenness or by how caring, smart, endearing she is.

Year 4 started out a little crazy with the little girl being hospitalized for Kawasaki Disease.  It was a bit scary seeing my girl so sick and yet, through it all, she was her happy little self.  The doctor at Children's kept remarking about how happy she was, how sweet she was.  Because of the trickiness of the disease, there was a never ending stream of  interns coming in to check out her rash, her eyes, her fever and of course, she enjoyed the attention.  And we were just thankful that they caught it in time, treated her and that she has recovered fully but still has no desire to ever have another pinch (and mommy doesn't blame her).

swimming in the creek at camp

After that adventure, the year progressed much easier.

Sadie has really grown quite a bit in the past 6 months.  She's developed an amazing understanding of her brother and a sweet ability to help him.  She talks him through changes that might throw him.  She encourages him to play and read and make friends.  She stands up for him when other children try to exclude him.  I'm so proud of my girl!

with Ariel and Prince Erik

at Disney Studios

And she still has this amazing self confidence that I only dream of having.  My girl has no second thoughts about going up to her princesses at Disney World and talking to them about her visit, to ask Prince Erik where his dog is, even to tell the little old lady working as a volunteer, how happy she is to be at Disney World.  She danced to the music in Tomorrowland, and strutted her stuff at Disney Studios and of course we had to wear our Cinderella dress all day (in 80 degree heat) to meet her princess.  I sit back and watch her and think how wonderful it must be to not second guess yourself constantly.  I've also promised myself that I will do everything to protect that self worth and confidence.

The girl has continued into another year of ballet and improves with each week.  She practices and shows off her steps to g'ma's and papa's.  I don't even need to bug her to get ready for class in the morning.  She does it all herself.  She has a dream.  A dream to be a ballerina/cowgirl.  Not sure how the cowgirl part will come about but she's got the ballerina part down.

She was able to see her first ballet, The Nutcracker, last December and this past week we saw Peter Pan.  It was a Mommy/Sadie date which of course meant we had to be fancy.  She loved it!  Seeing Tinkerbell and Peter Pan flying.  Seeing the crocodile chase down Hook.  We both really enjoyed the afternoon and I have to admit, we're looking forward to The Nutcracker again.

the first day of school

Sadie is in pre-K for one more year.  This year she's going to Eden Christian Academy.  This is a great Christian school if you're looking for something in the North Hills.  She's having so much fun in her new school and memorizing Bible verses.  It's so sweet to hear her reciting God's word.  And with the new school there have been new friends and lots of playdates.  She's been really enjoying the special treat of going home with one of her school mates and spending the afternoon playing.

In other big news, the little girl is learning to read.  She's picked up a bunch of sight words and has started being able to sound out others.  It's been exciting and empowering.  She's thrilled to be able to look at letters and find the words, to do what her brother's been able to do for so long.  It's also made the house a little more quieter as my two little bookworms curl up with their books for the afternoon.  It's happy.

Flower girl for Aunt Betsy

Sadie's has been in 2 weddings this year.  The first in August for Aunt Jackie and then in September for Aunt Betsy and of course, she enjoyed having the spotlight on her.  She did a very good job for both events and managed to get most of the guests at Aunt Betsy's wedding to do the chicken dance around her.  I wish I had pictures or video of that moment.  It was something else but Mommy, Daddy and Caleb were also doing the chicken dance too.

We've been so blessed to have another year watching our girl growing and learning.  We often don't know where this energetic extrovert came from but we love her so much.  Our family wouldn't be nearly as exciting without her.

Caleb is 6!

This is long overdue but once again life has gotten in the way of writing time.  Big things have been happening here.  We now have a full-blown, backpack-totin', bus riding, kindergartener!  And preparing this boy for kindergarten was comparable to preparing for a climb of Mt. Everest, at least, it seemed so to me.

Intellectually this boy has been ready for kindergarten since he was about 3 and a half.  No one denies that he's a smart boy (just like his daddy).  His favorite books to borrow from the library are science books- we've learned all about the universe, discovered dinosaurs and most recently, had to read all about the flu epidemic of 1918 (and yes, there is a children's book about the flu epidemic of 1918).  But there is always a down with the up.  The boy still struggles to write often to the point of a tantrum out of tiredness and frustration.  He's also still struggling with social things- looking people in the eye, answering and asking questions.  Making friends is difficult for him.  When he's curious about kids and willing to engage them in conversation, they're not wanting to talk to him.  And then you have the times where another kid approaches him, asks him a question or says hi and Caleb walks away.  Timing can be so difficult sometimes.  We've made tons of progress but there's still more to work on.

In this past year, the boy has done amazing things.  I still get a little teary thinking about the moment in Disney way back in March, how he dressed up in a Jedi robe, got up on stage, interacted with the Jedi master and fought Darth Vader.  We made it through 4 days of Disney fun with only a few bobbles.  He enjoyed Dinosaur camp at the museum (without his little sister).  He's become a seasoned ring bearer participating in  both Aunt Jackie and Aunt Betsy's weddings this summer.  And for those weddings, he wore a vest and tie (clip-on but still a tie!).  He's gotten so much better with his writing and using his words and controlling his temper.  We've gone from walking on eggshells not knowing what might set him off to a peaceful, albeit somewhat crazy household.  I don't have to stress about getting him to leave the house most days.  He's using his words more and more to sort out differences with his sister.  He's also getting better at recognizing and expressing his feelings.  Progress is a great thing and even with little regressions here and there, you know that progress was made once and can be done again and again.

And have Caleb's interests changed in this year...not really.

The boy still loves all things science- especially at the library.  He bounces back and forth between the Star Wars chapter books on one side of the children's section to the non-fiction science books on the other side.  Caleb continues to love, love, love to read.  He devours books and then rereads them again and again.  He laughs while he's reading, he asks questions about the worlds of Star Wars and Harry Potter.  Yes, that was the big thing late this summer.  The boy read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.  It took him a little over 4 hours.  It was a fluke.  I just randomly gave it to him for something to do.  We had tried to read it out loud a couple of times but he would lose interest just after a few chapters.  Well, apparently the problem is that silly mommy reads too slow.  Now the boy is bugging me weekly for the second book.  But this mommy is not quite ready for him to be plowing through that series (as much as I love it) so he has to be content with rereading book 1 for the next year or so.  And to his future reading teachers... I'm sorry but you've got a whole family that loves reading and so the boy is going to be well read.  We've polished of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 101 Dalmations (the original novel, not the Disney version), The Wizard of Oz, Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little and many more that I can't keep track of.  Most recently we've started Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM (he initially had no interest in this one but once I started reading it to Sadie, he's since become hooked).

Star Wars has also been tough.  The boy continues to love any and all things Star Wars and he has yet to see any of the movies.  I think we might be ready for Episode 1 soon (I hope).

The boy has developed some imaginary friends, which isn't surprising considering the posse that Sadie has surrounding her at all times.  However, Caleb seems to have befriended the villains.  Bowser, Emperor Palpatine, these are his buddies.  Bowser's entire family traveled to Disney with us and Caleb enjoyed telling us how Bowser and his family were having more fun then we were in different areas of the park. Most recently, Caleb seems to have recognized the importance of learning a second language.  He introduced us to El Suprimo his Spanish translator for Caleb Enterprises.  Speaking of Caleb World, it continues to grow and expand with his imagination.  I'm still not sure if I should be proud of his creativity or concerned for his quest for global domination.  But it's good to know that he's making his way and working hard even in his imaginary world.  It makes me so excited to see what he'll be when he's older.

So Caleb is in kindergarten, in our local public school.  I've been very pleased with it so far.  We prayed all spring and summer for his teacher and our prayers were answered.  His teacher is amazing!  She's caring and understanding and willing to work together with me to help this little guy.  We trade emails on a weekly basis.  She's open to suggestions that will help him in class. She's willing to let some things slide but will also stick to her guns and push him when he needs it.  She sees that much of the academics of kindergarten, he knows but that there are many other parts of school that he will struggle with.  Most importantly, I feel like I can trust her to care for my boy and that is a huge thing.  He's also making friends at school.  The couple of weeks were hard.  There was an incident on the bus and it turned out that Caleb was being picked on.  I don't have the unrealistic notion that my boy will get through 13 years of public school without enduring some teasing but to have it start on only the second week of school.  To have my boy ask me why a boy would call him a "thumbsucker"?  Why a boy would hit him?  Well, all my fears of him being targeted  and not even able to understand what was happening...  But it was sorted out.  My boy was not being targeted.  The boy on the bus was picking on all the kindergarteners and it was corrected.  And in the middle of it all, I went in to pick up Caleb from school and as he left his class line, all these little voices calling out "'bye Caleb"  It melted my heart and continues to at every lunchtime pick up.  My boy is making friends, slowly but surely.

Caleb has a team at school.  He's getting OT services, speech services and he's started in the gifted program.  I've been moved to tears at the people who are working so hard to help him succeed.  I feel blessed to be in an area where I don't have to fight them to recognize his challenges and that they aren't just meeting his needs but also helping him to grow so that he doesn't need as many supports.  It's been so encouraging and I feel confident that they'll continue to support him and encourage him to excel as he grows.

It's still bittersweet to watch my boy grow.  I miss that little baby who loved to curl up and be read to but I love this little boy that is so smart and caring and silly.

Picture Time!

Caleb's 6 year pictures and Sadie's 5 year pictures.  I'm happy with them and I didn't even need to bribe the boy to wear the hat :-)

The Little/Big Sister

We know that our little Sadie is a gift from God. Of course, we believe that all children are gifts but Sadie's our special gift. God knew Caleb and God knew that he needed Sadie.

Sadie has done more for Caleb than all of his therapies. I often wonder what our boy would look like if he had been an only child in our house of quiet introverts. Would he have retreated more and more into his books? Would he still struggle with games of pretend?

Our Sadie, from the start, refused to play by Caleb's rules and drew him out of his world and into her's with her imaginary Mexican family, talking dogs, ballerina cowgirls and, of course, the princesses.

Now as they're growing, I'm seeing Sadie beginning to take on a new role.

We spent the weekend at camp. Just me, the kids and Pappy (Andy was home working and participating in movie magic, being an extra for Batman). Weekends at camp are challenging- the nearest grocery store is a little one in a town about 30 min away over the mountain, there's no cell service, and then there's the constant reminder of my stepmother- but we do these weekends with my dad and hopefully make some new memories at their camp in the woods.

As the kids are getting older, they get more and more excited about going to camp. I'm thinking it's less about being out in the woods and more about Pappy's tendency to be very generous with cookies and Bugs Bunny cartoons. But the kids were very excited to go up. This trip was for cousin C's birthday and to pick blueberries.

As excited as the kids are to go to camp, these weekends can be a little more challenging for the Boy. It's really hard to keep a schedule and a routine at camp. Caleb needs to be very "go with the flow" and after a few days of that, he's often done. My dad has gotten much better in understanding Caleb but I know the tantrums make him uncomfortable so I'm on supermom duty trying to manage it all.

This weekend, Supermom, had a sidekick and I got to see my little girl understanding and trying so hard to calm her big brother.

Caleb did very good most of the weekend but we did have a couple of bobbles. One in particular was during video game time. This is often in the evenings when the Boy is tired, spent (coping-wise) and it makes for a sometimes volatile combination. In these situations, he has a really difficult time losing gracefully. This evening was no different and I'm not exactly sure how it happened but the boy lost a game, got very upset and when I came into the living room, Sadie was with him, trying very hard to calm him down. I could hear her soothing voice and see her gesturing with her hands, explaining that things were okay and that he needed to just settle down and we would sort it all out.

It was a sweet moment and made this mama very proud of her girl. Her little girl, growing up and recognizing her big brother's challenges. Her little girl caring more about him, than about playing her game with Pappy. And Caleb responded to her, calming down and then coming to me so that we could sort it all out.

It's happened a few more times since then. He hasn't gone into a full-blown tantrum but she's recognized instances where he might have difficulties and calmly tried to talk him through them.

I know she doesn't know Aspergers or even Autism but she loves her big brother and wants to help him. And this mama is happy to have all the help she can get, especially if it helps her boy.

Still in Holland: Part Two

We had a great week with G'ma. We filled the time with lots of fun activities and still made plenty of time for stories and playing pretend. Part of keeping Caleb together, means still having time for him to escape, to curl up with his 2 best friends- Giant Frog and a book. So we had plenty of time for that.

On G'ma's last day, we had some extra time so we decided to go to the Science Center for the morning. It was a nice way to avoid the heat but it was also very crowded. There were several camps there so we skipped the first two floors and headed up to the top floor to try to avoid the crowds a bit.

It's been awhile since I was last at the science center. It's changed quite a bit and I love the changes. One big change is the addition of a gated area on the top floor for ages 3-6 and their families. This was perfect for us. The camps started with kindergarten age kids and many of them couldn't come in because they didn't have chaperones with them. It was the perfect place for us and many of the other families trying to enjoy the science center.

The area has several climbing spots, a big water table, a place for dress ups and a little book corner and my boy's favorite, at the back is a contraption for moving plastic balls around. A conveyor belt takes them up to a bin at the top of the machine and when the bin gets too full, a whistle sounds and the balls drop down on whoever is underneath. I think just about every kid there loved that part. And my boy was right with them.

It was here that it hit me again- my boy is different. My boy has asperger's.

Caleb was eagerly loading the conveyor belt with balls or turning the wheel to take them up to the bin. He was so happy. A group of 6 yr olds convinced their chaperone to bring them into the area too. They quickly came back to this contraption (how could you resist?!). Caleb wasn't bothered by more kids and they didn't seem bothered by him. The whistle sounded, the balls dropped and it all began again with dozens of squeals and giggles. I kept watching Caleb and I noticed some boys working with him. They had their ages on their name badges- K-1. These were Caleb's peers. Caleb will be 6 in a little over a month. And as I watched him and them, he was bouncing and giggling and flapping. It was a bittersweet moment. I was thrilled to see him so happy, having such a great time. How can you not feel that joy when you see it on your child's face? And yet, seeing side by side the difference between my boy and these other children...

It's a reality. Fortunately, it's not a hopeless reality. He's going to keep growing and keep learning how to fit in this crazy world. He'll become more like these other kids, with a little extra help but at the same time, I truly hope that he doesn't lose that freedom to express his happiness. As a supremely self-conscious individual, I love that both my kids are so confident and willing to express themselves without reservation. I envy that freedom. I want Caleb to learn but not lose himself in all these treatments and therapies. Hopefully there will be a balance.

After awhile, he grew tired of the balls and ready to explore more things. I thought he might appreciate a reading break after being with all those kids for so long. I led him over the the book area and my boy casually glanced at the books but before I could take a seat to read with him, he had turned around and was making his way back to the water table?!?!! Of all things! He went to the water table, put on an apron and proceeded to get busy in the water. Who was this kid? G'ma was just as surprised as I was. This is the boy who still insists on changing his outfit if even the smallest drop of liquid lands on him. How many trips to the Children's Museum where we couldn't even consider going up to the water floor? And to turn down books in favor of getting wet?

My boy is growing. My boy is learning. My boy is getting a handle on his quirks and having an easier time playing.

Caleb spent a good 15 minutes playing in the water. He didn't even bat an eye when he got sprayed in the face by one of the other kids. He didn't complain that there were wet spots on his shirt and shorts. And at the end, we didn't spend any time at all with the books.

It was a good day and a great visit! Thank you G'ma for coming out to play :-)

Still in Holland: Part One

Yes, we're still in Holland. Many of you might say, "What?!?!" and if that's you, please click on the link and read. I really enjoyed that piece, the first time that I came across it.

We've been in Holland for some time now and maybe it's that it's becoming more familiar, or maybe it's becoming more like where we prepared to go but this week, I saw several reminders that we're still in Holland or that my son still has Asperger's.

I do quickly admit that I feel very blessed. With such a wide range of symptoms and abilities, I'm thankful that my boy is where he is. I'm thankful that he has a great team helping him, that we have great family and friends who understand and support us. I'm thankful for the huge progress that he's made in just this short year of treatment. I'm thankful that he's eager to go to school and that (so far) we have a school district willing to accommodate him and work with us to encourage his success. I'm thankful that I don't have some of the worries that other parents have.

I spend a lot of time reading their stories, other experiences with ASD and I am again and again amazed at the strength and dedication these families have. And then there are times when I'm reading and thinking of my boy and part of me says, "This isn't him. This diagnosis isn't real." I convince myself that he's just quirky and sometimes (but don't tell) I feel like I'm waiting for someone to say, "wait, he doesn't have that. He doesn't need all these treatments."

And then, we go out into the world and I see him with others his age and it hits me, sometimes hard and sometimes painful.

This week, I was hit twice. The first time didn't hurt too much because of the joy in my little guy's face. With G'ma here for the week, we decided to spend a day at Idlewild Park in Ligonier. This is a great park for kids and families and worth the trip if you're ever in Western PA.

It was a great day (hot but still fun) and it happened to be Super Hero Week for the park. Spiderman, The Hulk, Iron Man and Captain America were all going to be there, signing autographs and posing for pictures. Even thought my boy lives for his superheroes (and I'm convinced that Caleb Corporations has evolved from Tony Stark) Caleb actually didn't seem too eager so we took our time getting through the park and then we made it over to the stage shortly before the first set of superheroes were done. Of course, there was a decently long line stretching out into the hot sun of people waiting to get their autographs. We were already pretty hot and I had flashbacks from March and standing in line with Sadie to meet Ariel and Prince Eric on our Disney trip. I really didn't want to relive that experience. Caleb seemed content to go watch the characters from the audience with G'ma so I took Sadie on the ferris wheel. We got on the ride and the superheroes wrapped up. Then, from the top of the wheel, I could hear my boy and the tantrum began. I tried to relax- for many reasons, mostly that leaning forward in our little cart caused it to shake and rock and while I'm not completely scared of heights, in situations like this my very active imagination quickly plays out scenarios of me and my daughter falling to our deaths. So I sat back and strongly encouraged Sadie to sit back and not look for her brother. Of course, I knew G'ma could handle him. I couldn't ask for a better prepared G'ma for Caleb. She's a first grade teacher for many years and happens to have a ton of experience with kids like Caleb. She's often my go to person for advice and strategies for handling him. No problem. Plus, I thought to myself, he hasn't had a real tantrum in months and certainly not out in public. Again, I tried to relax and again, I could still hear my boy losing it. And worse, from our vantage point, I could see the people turning and staring. I swear I could hear their thoughts- I used to be there, the person watching the kid who is way too old having a tantrum. Sadly, I admit it, I was also the one thinking why can't the parents control their kid. I've since learned my lesson.

I wanted to yell for the ride operators to let us off. My mama bear instincts kicked in and I desperately wanted to be there to calm him down and sort things out. Again, not that I didn't trust my mom-in-law. I knew G'ma was doing her best with him. I knew she had an extra difficult situation- a hot, tired, cranky and disappointed boy is not always easy to calm down.

He continued to cry and scream in waves while Sadie and I went round and round and waited as they unloaded the wheel. It seemed to take forever. It was the longest he's carried on like this in ages and it felt like the longest I had ever been stuck on a ferris wheel.

He was still very upset when they let us off and I pulled Sadie over to the bench. I left her with G'ma and grabbed Caleb, still crying, and pulled him away to try to find some place more private. We headed for the bathroom and he settled a little while I put cool water on his hands and face. Then we found a quiet bench to sit and talk about how to solve this problem that made him so upset. All and all, he calmed down pretty easily and apologized to G'ma for carrying on like that.

Then mama stood in line with her boy to wait to meet Captain America and Iron Man.

Once again, all was right in Caleb's world and despite the tantrum, mommy couldn't resist picking up a Captain American doll for the boy to get autographed. (and just so you know, I was not rewarding the tantrum. that's not how it works with these kids. he didn't even ask for the doll and would have been perfectly fine going up to see the characters without it) He stood in line for over an hour, not even taking a break to go for a ride on the carousel. He was determined to not miss his heroes and the boy didn't even complain about the heat.

After getting our autographs and pictures, the boy needed some sensory time so we headed back the ball pit at Jumpin' Jungle. This is my boy's happy place. Feeling all the balls in the ball pit is perfect for him and all his sensory seeking. Not to mention, it was raining off and on and G'ma and I were enjoying the idea of sitting for a bit too.

After the ball pit, it was a climb up the cargo net. Then Sadie and G'ma hung out at the zip line, while Caleb and I went into the Jungle Catch. It's a little netted area with a bunch of air jets and plastic balls that you can set up to float on them. Caleb gets quite a kick out of this place and within minutes he was bouncing and giggling hysterically. Then he started putting his face over the jets and letting his hair stick straight up. I snapped pictures, eager to record the joy on his face and that's what it was, pure joy. My heart melted and then I glanced around at the other kids in there and I noticed it. For the first time I really saw it. He was bouncing and giggling and up on his tiptoes and flapping. Not bad things but things that you see in kids with ASD. But he smiled at me and I forgot all about it. He was happy and that's all that mattered.

2 steps forward, 1 step back

hmm, it really has been awhile. Summer ended and for awhile it was busier than when the kids were in school. They did a week of camps at the museum (Caleb in Dino Camp, Sadie in Art Camp) and then went to vacation Bible school the next week. In the midst of that, Caleb had his evaluation for Kindergarten (testing to see if he would need special ed services or not).

All of this has been interesting and challenging and stressful for this mama. The boy has come through it all really well. I've been so proud and amazed by how he handled the transition from school to summertime. We haven't been completely bump free but we've been much better than previous years.

I'm not sure how much of it is him coping better and how much of it is us learning to read him better, to know when he's had too much and needs his space to quietly read or to spend an entire day in pjs.

I love my boy and I'm thrilled to watch him grow. I'm excited that he's ready to go to Kindergarten, that he's so smart and surprises me each day with some new fact that he's picked up somewhere (yesterday it was about the parts of an ant, head, thorax, abdomen).

At the same time, I'm scared for him. He's leaving my protection, my safe haven where it's just us and we understand him. He's going to be with other adults, with other children and sometimes those adults aren't going to be patient with him and sometimes those kids are going to be mean to him. I tear up thinking about it and yet I know, that's a part of growing up. I know that I can't always be with him and I know that if he's going to understand how to be with others, he's going to need to spend time with others and sometimes that will have to be without me. I know my boy is amazing and funny and such a sweetheart. I also know that he's kind of weird and can be hard to talk to and I'm praying every day that he gets to be with people who fall in love with all of his amazing qualities and can overlook his quirks.

I see him trying so hard and I wish I could make it easy for him. This week he tried a small bite of zucchini. For most people, this would not be something worth posting about. He took the bite without resisting or fighting us. He swallowed it even while gagging and then it all came back up. We don't yet know why his body is like this. We just know that he can't control it. As I was cleaning him up in the kitchen, he kept saying "Mommy, I'm sorry. I tried to keep it in."

Today we had lunch and playtime at McDonald's. It's been a nice place to meet one of Sadie's classmates there. We have a long lunch with plenty of breaks to play and there's a constant flux of kids in to eat and play. It can be stressful though, at least for me. Up in the tubes, I can't see what's going on and I can't always keep track of Caleb and how he's interacting with the other kids. It's a loud place and so of course, my kids are loud too. Unfortunately, Caleb's loud, weird voice sometimes can scare the kids. Caleb will be trying to play but to some kids, his playing can look aggressive. And of course today, after some time playing, a group of girls decided that they didn't really like Caleb being around them. They told their moms that he was trying to hit them. Then they (the girls) told me that he was trying to "beat them up." I did my best to assure them that he wouldn't hit them, that he just liked to be loud. I could see in their eyes, they didn't believe me. I pulled Caleb down to apologize to the girls. The girls gloated at Caleb that they had told his mom. I still have no idea what happened. He says the girls were being mean to him and I can believe that but I've also seen other kids unsure of him when he's yelling and carrying on.

It's these situations that make me nervous. It's these situations that make me pray more fervently for God to send him a special friend to navigate school with all it's complex social situations. We just hope for 1 friend.

Pirate game 2011

Our first Pirate game for the year and it was so much fun. We ended the outing with running the bases. Caleb, Sadie and their friend Simon, stood in line and patiently waited to walk out on the field and run the bases.

here's video of us walking out onto the field




and running the bases...



there will be more pics to come but i'm too tired to retouch right now. Sadly, the Buccos lost but we still had lots of fun

allergies

So they're saying that this year has been absolutely terrible for allergies and I can certainly believe it. Andy's been living on zyrtec since March and even though I've never really suffered from allergies, I've found myself more congested and uncomfortable then ever.

Sadie, however, has developed a new and unusual allergy. She's decided that she's allergic to turtles. Now we're not sure if this means that she can't be around turtles or if it's more that she can't eat them but she's pretty insistent on it. Even at the doctor's recently, the doc asked me if she had any allergies (wanting to be sure that she would be okay on antibiotics) but before I could respond, Sadie informed the doc of her turtle allergy. The doc looked at me wide-eyed and I really didn't know what to say, except that "yep, that's Sadie." In defense of the doc, she doesn't usually see Sadie. Somehow, I think that Dr. R, her usual pediatrician would have just laughed it off. He's definitely used to Sadie's stories.

So, while most households need to be nut-free, we will be going turtle free but I have to admit, I'm curious as to what her reaction is to turtles.

silly monkeys

we went to the zoo the other day and mistakenly brought home 2 monkeys instead of the children...

Easter Morning 2011

It took the kids quite awhile to find them, even with Daddy telling them hot or cold.



and yes, at one point Daddy tells the little girl that she's getting really cold but she assures us that she likes to be cold and then puts on a pretend jacket.

But she finally finds it after much persistance

The Magic Kingdom- in pictures

The Princess is Home











Wish I could have managed a better shot of the castle but it just wasn't going to happen this time.

Disney's Animal Kingdom, in pictures!

Caleb vs Darth Vader!

Caleb took part in Jedi Training Academy at Disney Studios and to pass, he had to go up again Darth Vader and conquer the dark side.

Dancing Sadie

Sadie Dancing at Disney! enjoy!

What I Learned From our Disney Vacation...

1. Our children were not properly prepared for the Disney visit in that they hadn't seen many of the Disney movies and didn't recognize many of the characters. This was most evident on our first day in Animal Kingdom- they didn't know Rafiki or Jiminy Cricket and Sadie is now convinced that Pocahontas is actually Poca Hontas and has a beaver friend who takes care of her hair. We'll be spending all of April watching Disney movies to get caught up.

2. Caleb has a scientific mind and with that comes a curiosity about how the human body works. Add to that certain biographical information on Walt Disney and you get... well, an interesting conversation. We took the Magic Bus from the airport to the hotel and there was a short movie about DW on the bus. When Caleb saw Walt Disney, he began asking all these questions about how Disney had died. "Did his cells deteriorate?" "Did his organs shut down?" Not the happiest of conversations for the drive to the happiest place on earth and of course, everyone around us on the bus could hear but he's a curious boy with a desire to know things so we go with it.

3. Sometimes when the Walt Disney World Guide for Kids says that a ride is Dark, Rough, Loud and Scary, it might be a good idea to skip that particular ride.
Our first day at Disney was spent at Disney's Animal Kingdom and while there we decided to check out Dinosaur. Audio-animatronic dinosaurs? Cool! What could be scary?.... Well, at least Daddy liked the ride. Caleb and Sadie, not so much and we'll just leave it at that. And from then on, the kids would not go on anything that was listed as dark, loud, and scary. Oh, and we were also done with dinosaurs after that experience.

4. A little girl will spend the entire day in her Cinderella dress, hoping to meet her favorite princess. And yes sweetheart, you looked stunning.

5. If it's in an air-conditioned building, Mommy will stand in line for an hour or more to get princess or Pixar autographs. If not, Mommy will only do it once. Sorry Tinkerbell, you're just not worth that much time in the hot sun on the last (and hottest) day of the vacation. I learned my lesson with Ariel and Prince Eric.

6. Mommy and Daddy will stand in the hot sun with no sunscreen on eagerly watching their little boy become a Jedi and fight his enemy (Darth Vader). And Mommy will get teary eyed at how her little man is doing things that he wouldn't have even considered doing just a year ago. Things like putting on a Jedi robe and talking to people in costume- not a big deal for many boys his age but a huge success for our little man.

7. An adorable little girl can get a super hero to do just about anything. We have photographic evidence of Mr. Incredible doing plies for Sadie.

8. When you're done, you're done. Even if the fireworks are still going off in the sky.
We stayed to watch the light and fireworks show at the Magic Kingdom on Tuesday night. I couldn't believe the kids were even up for it but halfway through the show, Sadie turns around to me and says "okay, let's go" and her brother said the same thing. So we got up and headed for the buses, with out even a glance back at the fireworks finale.

9. Sometimes you have to push through the fear.
Dinosaur did a number on the monkeys and I hoped that they would get over it before the end of vacation. I really, really, really wanted to go on Pirates of the Caribbean. The kids really, really, really didn't want to go on it. With much convincing and well, picking them up and carrying them onto the ride, we did it. And they saw that it wasn't so bad. Still not their favorite Disney ride but I hope that we taught them that sometimes we do things for the people we love and audio-animatronic isn't always bad.

10. My happiest moments at Disney as a kid are very different from being there as a parent. There really is something magical in seeing such happiness in your child's eyes. It's really special.

Caleb's Everything Shoppe

Caleb has joined the ranks of small business owner or possibly even corporate CEO. The Everything Shoppe. This is a store that he came up with sometime during the past few months and talks about it every now and then.

This morning during breakfast we got to see how diligently he works at managing his store. He informed us that business was great, that there were people everywhere. The store seems to deal mostly with super hero merchandise and cereal. He mentioned how his Human Torch Flame dolls weren't doing so good. We suggested trying to advertise more. He explained that they came with a turn-offer switch for the flames- a good design element.

During our conversation, Caleb excused himself to take a call from his cell phone (a dedicated CEO working even on Saturday morning). He quickly came back and filled us in on the latest. Apparently his best box maker (the guy in charge of making all the cereal boxes) was ill and needed to go to the doctors. Caleb told us that he had caught diabetes from his cat and was in need of medicine. To make matters worse, he was in Harrisburg and didn't know how to find the hospital. He only knew the one in Pittsburgh and didn't have a GPS.

I'm not sure what this means to the cereal production at Caleb's Everything Shoppe but I suggested that his box maker go to the library and look up directions to the hospital on the computer. Hopefully that will help and Caleb can enjoy the rest of his weekend :-)

Caleb- Through Daddy's Eyes

This post was written by Andy who has a unique understanding of our little guy and a great way of writing about him.

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Caleb Walsh, the hardest working man in the Empire

By now you are probably familiar with the exploits of Margot, Sal, Ziggy, Bella, Queenie, and the plethora of Mexican relatives that form Sadie's imaginary posse. Well, not to be outdone, Caleb has started accumulating his own band of adventurers for his own ongoing saga. But unlike Sadie, Caleb has chosen his companions from the ranks of the various stories and video games he enjoys so much. That's probably not surprising, given how much time the boy spends with his nose in a book. And he is at the age where many boys get engrossed in the world of superheroes, globe trotters, and space adventurers. There's just one little detail that makes me a little concerned: Caleb keeps siding with the villains.

Now, as a parent, you worry about your kids falling in with the wrong crowd. But how do you prepare for you kid becoming friends with supervillains and video game bosses? Of all the characters in the Star Wars universe, Caleb likes to spend time with Emperor Palpatine, evil despot of the Galactic Empire. After playing Super Mario Brothers, Caleb decided to be friends with Bowser, the scourge of the Mushroom Kingdom. He plays with supervillains, Batman's rogue gallery, notorious bounty hunters, and ne'er-do-wells from all sorts of fictional universes. Just where did I go wrong as a father?

Did I do something wrong? By teaching my son that making a few bad choices doesn't make him a bad person, have I blinded him to the fact that there is true evil in the world? Or should I be learning from him? Does he have a capacity for unconditional friendship that I should be seeking to emulate? Perhaps it would help to understand just what it is that makes Caleb choose these friends. Does he have ambitions of global domination, a penchant for mayhem, or perhaps a desire for untold riches? Well, if his ongoing stories are any indication, what Caleb likes best about the forces of evil is not any of these things. No, he's in it for the anonymity of mid-level service positions.

He may be boyhood friends with the emperor of the Galaxy, but there is no job too small for Caleb. He's the tractor beam operator, the TIE fighter repairman, the AT-AT pilot. He tended to the Sarlacc when it was just a baby. The other day he gave Dr. Freeze an eye exam; I can only assume he provides optometry services for all supervillains. He appears to take great pride in doing the jobs that no one else ever seems to have time to do in these fictional worlds. So, why not use all of his prodigious talents for good? As near as I can tell, it's because heroes don't have legions of nameless minions. You see, while he enjoys playing in these worlds, he can't imagine trying to be one of the characters. Those are other people, not him. And since the nature of these stories don't really allow for anonymous heroes, the only place for him is among the ranks of the bad guys.

Caleb loves his books; he wouldn't dare change them just to suit his own pretending. That would violate his Prime Directive. So he goes to some pretty extraordinary lengths to dance between the raindrops of established continuity, to find a way to be a part of the stories as they are. Hence he works behind the scenes, fixing machines, building satellites, and generally keeping the lights on, all the while bearing witness to these epic tales. He always manages to be right there whenever something important is happening. But at just the wrong (right?) moment, fate will intervene to keep Caleb from having any impact. "I was just about to grab Chewbacca, but I tripped." "I tried to leap into action, but I fell into the sand and got stuck." "I almost stopped Han Solo, but Emperor Palpatine had been eating fruit and I slipped on a banana peel." These near misses never bother him; whatever happened couldn't have happened any other way.

Maybe one day Caleb will get to be the hero of his own story. I guess being friends with a villain doesn't always mean you have to become one yourself. Many heroes were close friends with their archnemesis at some point. Caleb's compassion and selfless desire to help others certainly seem like traits of a hero, not a villain. And he's certainly learning a lot of useful skills. His favorite stories may be set in stone, but his story is still largely unwritten. I look forward to seeing it unfold. And in the meantime, whenever I watch "Star Wars" and see that Storm Trooper smack his head on a door as he makes his way through the Death Star, I'll know that isn't just any faceless henchman. That's my Caleb, the hardest working man in the Empire.

Romeo and Juliet at McDonalds

The other day was conference day. The kids' preschool does parent/teacher conferences twice a year and they're pretty helpful (especially with trying to judge where Caleb is with things). The disappointing thing about conferences is that they are on a school day so no school and normally that's not a bad thing but when you've missed most of January due to snow and ice it's kind of frustrating to have another day off for the kids.

Well, to reward them for making it through their first, mostly full week of school since December, I decided to take them to McDonald's. There's one near our house that has a nice indoor playground and the kids have been bugging me to go there since we moved out here.

We got there, ordered and went to sit and eat in the play area. I have to say, it was nicer than I had expected. It was clean and most importantly, it didn't smell funny. The kids were really good and ate their lunches. Caleb even ate the chicken nuggets (he's been objecting to them on past trips) When they finished eating, I let them play. There were quite a few kids there and I would say, in less than 10 minutes, Sadie had a little boy just a bit older than her, following her around.

The kids all played for awhile. I was excited to see Caleb involved in the games too. They were pretty much just chasing each other through the tubes and while it makes me nervous, I was happy that things were going so well. Caleb is doing better with other kids but when he gets excited, he can seem aggressive. He yells and growls a lot which other kids can interpret as threatening and, well, we've had things escalate to where he's hitting. Previously this wasn't such a big problem but as he's getting bigger and older it's a more difficult situation. Most parents don't expect a 5 yr old to be hitting and without understanding his circumstances, it makes for a very uncomfortable situation.

I sat back and let the kids enjoy playing for a while and it was nice. They came over for some sips of milk and to check on their Happy Meal prizes. Then I noticed that Sadie was spending more time with her little friend and Caleb was off on his own. Again, this happens some time so I wasn't too concerned. Then I noticed Sadie and her friend running away from Caleb and I started paying a bit more attention. Sure enough, Sadie's little friend was getting a little possessive of the Sadie-girl and didn't seem to want to share her attention, even with her big brother.

Caleb came by and I told him they could each do one more thing and then we would get ready to go. Of course the one thing Caleb wanted to do was to sit in a car with Sadie and Sadie didn't want to leave her friend. I tried to persuade Caleb to let her have some space and then I tried to persuade Sadie to indulge her brother and none of it was working. Caleb started getting upset and I was done and so announced that we were going home. This was when Sadie's little friend decided to come over and taunt Caleb for having to go home. Big mistake!!

Mama bear kicked in and I gave the little guy a very serious mommy-glare and said "Do Not Do That. We Don't Act Like That." Not yelling, but talking very sternly to this young man who quickly backed off and got quiet.

I calmed Caleb down and then had an upset Sadie who wasn't ready to go (of course- did I mention, this started out like a great way to spend the afternoon?) I tried to explain to Sadie that if she and her friend couldn't be nice and play with Caleb, then we couldn't stay. Sadie was heart-broken and so I had to help her with her shoes. I was done. While doing this, I noticed her little friend inching back over towards us. I told Sadie she should say good bye to her friend as he came over. He got very close and very sweetly said "Good-bye Sadie, I love you." Sadie rattled off a "Good-bye, I love you" too and that was the end.

I was sooooo done with McDonald's and soooooo not ready for my 4 yr old to have little boys telling her they love her.

We are in soooooo much trouble with this one

questions....

Here's my question... how do you explain heaven and being part of God's family to a 5 yr old who doesn't like change?

We have a great church. We have a great church with a great children's ministry and Miss Sherry is absolutely wonderful with the kids. Yesterday was Sadie's first time as a 4 yr old in the 4 yr old class for children's church. This class is in the big room and i think the ages are 4-7 yrs old. It was a big change but she seemed to do well, especially since she could sit next to her brother.

We didn't hear much about the morning until dinner time last night. Then Caleb started telling us about Nicodemus. Then Sadie gave her very good explanation for being born again in her most serious voice "Jesus had to come and save us from our sins." And Caleb added that Granny was born again but she didn't become a baby again. I was very excited to see our kids working through this and eager to see where it went.

Knowing that my husband became Christian as a child, I prompted "Hey guys, you know, Daddy is born again?" And he explained to the kids how he prayed with his mommy and daddy when he was little to be able to go to heaven.

So there it was, we had talked about being born again, about being in God's family, about going to heaven. Were the kids ready to pray? I asked "Do you think you want to go to heaven?" Sadie very quickly nodded and said "yes, sure do." I looked at Caleb "I don't think so."

Then we realized, this boy will resist going to Disney World just because it's different and unfamiliar. It doesn't matter how great heaven is, he's not going to want to go. So how do we explain this to him? I found it to be a funny turn of events. I'm confident that God knows his heart and therefore knows his struggles so I'm not too worried that we didn't pray last night. I think it will be interesting to watch how God moves in his heart to help him understand these things.

The Case of the Missing Zuzu Pet

It was a quiet afternoon in the Walsh house. Mom and the kids had finally finished un-decorating the Christmas tree. Suddenly, Sadie appeared with her Zuzu pet that she had gotten for Christmas. In order to travel, Daddy had wisely removed the batteries (on/off switches should be required for all toys) but Mommy wasn't sure where he had put them.

"Wait 'til Daddy comes home" Mommy told Sadie and she happily bounded away to find new fun and wait for Daddy. The Zuzu pets were forgotten... or so we thought.

After dinner, Sadie found her pet once again and asked to get it working. Daddy took over and soon we had a Zuzu pet rolling and squeaking around the floor. Daddy also mentioned to Caleb that if he brought his Zuzu pet over, Daddy would fix it too.

"But I don't know where it is" Caleb answered.

We sent him upstairs to look for it and sent Sadie with him- since she was the one who had found them first. The kids searched upstairs for a bit and came down empty-handed and disappointed so Daddy and Mommy began searching too. We searched book bags and other possible places downstairs but couldn't find anything. So we went upstairs. After a bit more searching, success! Caleb's Zuzu pet was right in the middle of his bedroom floor!

"Guys, how did you not see Caleb's Zuzu pet on the floor? What were you looking for?" Daddy asked.

"We were looking for footprints and found some and followed them downstairs" Caleb explained.

Not sure what Zuzu pet footprints look like and really not sure what footprints they were following.