A Boy and his Books

The boy loves books.  It's no secret and actually we've had to use books as punishment in recent weeks.  When the boy is misbehaving or non-compliant, the more clinical term, we've taken away video games...

"That's okay Mommy.  Video games were not on my schedule tonight" (yep, we're always referring to our schedule in this house)

So then we take away TV shows.  The recent favorites are Word Girl and Wild Kratz.

"That's okay Mommy.  I didn't want to watch them this afternoon"

So Mommy, with steam coming out of her ears but keeping a very calm voice...

"Well, I'm sorry Caleb but if you're not going to get dressed for school, I can't let you read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (for the 18th time)."  And the boy's eyes grow wide.  "But I need my books.  If I don't have my books, I can't learn."  At 6 yrs old this boy has such a desire to know everything and books are his key.  It's beautiful and heartbreaking.  And Mommy just keeps thinking how crazy this whole situation is.  And the boy is heartbroken but he gets dressed. 

I don't even set a length of time for Harry to be in timeout but the boy goes to school.  He has a really difficult day.  He tells his teacher that Mommy broke his heart.  He tells his TSS that Mommy hurt his heart and needs to apologize.  And Mommy's heart breaks a little more each time she hears.  Tough love sucks but Mommy has to stick to her guns.  Time and time again we see that consistency is the best thing for him.

Harry is on the table in the living room.  It never even got put up.  It doesn't have to be.  The TSS asks the boy if he wants to read.  She suggests Harry Potter.  The boy says, "No, I'm not supposed to read it."

We talk a little bit later.  It's been a rough few weeks.  The boy has taken us on quite a roller coaster.  That's what it's like sometimes.  Despite the rigidness, the rules, Asperger's remains very unpredictable.  He's sorry for being difficult.  He repeats the phrase and sometimes I know he means it.  Sometimes I think it's just another script.  This time it doesn't matter.  I tell him I'm sorry that I hurt his heart.  I tell him that my heart hurt to.  I give the boy back his Harry Potter and he's happily back in Diagon Alley watching as Harry gathers his supplies for school.

Apologies...

I used to hate being late.  Granted, I never wanted to be early either.  To have to awkwardly wait for someone, all the time wondering in my head if they were still coming, if I had gotten the time or location mixed up, if they wanted to see me at all.  All that anxiety over a silly meet up.  It can be tough when you don't want to be late but also don't want to be early but I've learned that I seem to be a walking contradiction.

But my problems were solved when I had kids and then when I had 2 kids under 2, at least this problem was.  You can't expect a new parent to be on time or even crazier, early, for anything.  Wrangling 2 children who can't hardly do anything for themselves... this was just the excuse that I needed.  I could let go of the guilt of being late.  I wouldn't have to stress about being early.  And should planets align and I actually arrive early for something, I could just sit back and take pride in the fact that I managed to get 2 monkeys shod, dressed and into carseats.  It would be a good day.

Then the kids grew.  They became more independent and they became more independent.  It was no longer a victory to get the shoes on their feet.  It was a victory to get them to want to put shoes on their feet.  Free will can be such a frustrating thing.

I'm now back to wanting to be on time.  I'm expected to be on time and yet, it continues to be a next to impossible task.  You see, the challenges have changed.

"Caleb, it's time to get shoes on and go to church"

"No" or my new favorite phrase (sarcasm alert) "I don't feel like it"

And the challenge begins.  Can I think fast enough to get the boy to want to go out into the world or do we plow through a fit until he finally gives in and accepts that mama is getting her way?  This is life on the spectrum.  The boy would love to spend every day, every hour of every day, at home with his nose in a book.  Sure the boy enjoys going to school, playing at the playground, going to the library but not always enough to take that first step in getting ready and out the door.

I don't often plan outings after coming home from school.  If we come home for lunch, most days, we're not going back out, unless it's to OT (that's part of the weekly routine so that's okay).  After convincing him to get up and get ready for school, it's just tiring to have to convince him to go out again especially when mama can sympathize with his desire to just be home.  Mama also likes to just be home.  This is life on the spectrum sometimes.

So getting the boy out the door when he knows it's what he has to do (like going to school) can be challenging.  Try getting the boy out the door when it's unexpected, like to the doctors.  This can be tricky, unless of course, he's too sick to really put up a fight.

Today our fun was whether or not there was school for Veteran's Day.  We all were up and the boy said that he didn't have to go to school (and no, this is not my guy trying to get out of school.  we don't really play those games on our part of the spectrum).  I said okay but let me check your folder and there I made my first blunder.  You see I have trouble reading all the words.  I can't explain it but my husband knows full well that I skim and I don't do it very well.  If I have anything important to read, I give it to him.  It's really sad but that's how I am.  And so I skimmed the weekly notice in his folder and sure enough saw the note, No School, Friday November...  Kind of skipped over the entire date.  So I told Daddy, the boy is right.  No school.  Of course my 6 yr old knows these things.  He knows lots of things, like that giant squids migrate.  The girl, we question.  The boy, not so much.  So Daddy took Sadie to school, Caleb started pouring over the toy catalog for the umpteenth time and I went to check email.

Then my phone rings.  It's Daddy.

"Are you sure he doesn't have school?  There are kids at the bus stop"

"I swear his folder said no but I'll check again"

Um, yeah, No School, Friday, November 5 for conferences.  Crap, crap, crap.

And of course, my boy is now set on staying home.  I employ all the usual parenting techniques.  I bribe- if you go to school, Daddy and I have a special surprise for you this afternoon.  I threaten- you know what happens when you stay home from school and you're not sick (the police come).  I mean business- Caleb, this is unacceptable.  You are expected to get ready and go to school.  I threaten again- if you don't get dressed, I'll send you to school in your pjs.

I thought that we were headed for another meltdown.  We had one earlier this week and I really didn't want to deal with it again.  I gave him one more chance... Mommy's going to get dressed.  You have 2 minutes to get yourself ready to go to school (I don't even have an or else because I'm out of ideas).  And while I go down the hall to my room a little voice asks for 3 minutes.  This just isn't going to go well.  I get dressed and start back towards his room.  Okay, buddy, I gave you 4 minutes.  A whole extra minute (in my most enthusiastic voice.  It's all about not showing fear).  He's under his covers.  This isn't good.  I cheerfully pull off the covers and declare it's time to get ready.  I pull out his comfy pants from his drawer and I'm met with a compliant little guy, ready to get dressed and go to school.

I don't know how it happens.  It's so stinkin' unpredictable.  I can't always tell when one thing will work and when it won't.  Life on the spectrum sometimes... you have to think quick and always be willing to bend and yet still keep your expectations consistent.  And yet, my part of the spectrum is so easy compared to some.

So, my apologies if you find yourself waiting for me.  I do value your time and I do admit that sometimes its my own fault that I'm running behind, sometimes it's the girl dawdling trying to find her missing sunglasses because she can't bear to go out to face her public without them, but sometimes it's life on the spectrum throwing us a curve.

The Sadie-Lady is 5!

pumpkins!

Big things, really big things, happened last week.  Halloween, trick-or-treating, carving pumpkins, the ballet, the circus coming to town.  Lots of excitement but probably (at least according to Sadie) the most exciting thing happened on Wednesday, Nov 2.  Yep, that's the day that the little girl turned 5 and I couldn't have anticipated how excited she was about this.  She now checks that her clothes all have 5T on them instead of 4.  If there's a 4, you wouldn't believe the face I get- a mixture of disappointment and frustration.  How could I still let my 5 yr old wear 4T clothes?!  And there we can see that we will not be growing out of our flair for the dramatic...

But we are happy to have a healthy, active and bright 5 yr old.  Not a day goes by where we're not completely amazed by her- either by her complete rottenness or by how caring, smart, endearing she is.

Year 4 started out a little crazy with the little girl being hospitalized for Kawasaki Disease.  It was a bit scary seeing my girl so sick and yet, through it all, she was her happy little self.  The doctor at Children's kept remarking about how happy she was, how sweet she was.  Because of the trickiness of the disease, there was a never ending stream of  interns coming in to check out her rash, her eyes, her fever and of course, she enjoyed the attention.  And we were just thankful that they caught it in time, treated her and that she has recovered fully but still has no desire to ever have another pinch (and mommy doesn't blame her).

swimming in the creek at camp

After that adventure, the year progressed much easier.

Sadie has really grown quite a bit in the past 6 months.  She's developed an amazing understanding of her brother and a sweet ability to help him.  She talks him through changes that might throw him.  She encourages him to play and read and make friends.  She stands up for him when other children try to exclude him.  I'm so proud of my girl!

with Ariel and Prince Erik

at Disney Studios

And she still has this amazing self confidence that I only dream of having.  My girl has no second thoughts about going up to her princesses at Disney World and talking to them about her visit, to ask Prince Erik where his dog is, even to tell the little old lady working as a volunteer, how happy she is to be at Disney World.  She danced to the music in Tomorrowland, and strutted her stuff at Disney Studios and of course we had to wear our Cinderella dress all day (in 80 degree heat) to meet her princess.  I sit back and watch her and think how wonderful it must be to not second guess yourself constantly.  I've also promised myself that I will do everything to protect that self worth and confidence.

The girl has continued into another year of ballet and improves with each week.  She practices and shows off her steps to g'ma's and papa's.  I don't even need to bug her to get ready for class in the morning.  She does it all herself.  She has a dream.  A dream to be a ballerina/cowgirl.  Not sure how the cowgirl part will come about but she's got the ballerina part down.

She was able to see her first ballet, The Nutcracker, last December and this past week we saw Peter Pan.  It was a Mommy/Sadie date which of course meant we had to be fancy.  She loved it!  Seeing Tinkerbell and Peter Pan flying.  Seeing the crocodile chase down Hook.  We both really enjoyed the afternoon and I have to admit, we're looking forward to The Nutcracker again.

the first day of school

Sadie is in pre-K for one more year.  This year she's going to Eden Christian Academy.  This is a great Christian school if you're looking for something in the North Hills.  She's having so much fun in her new school and memorizing Bible verses.  It's so sweet to hear her reciting God's word.  And with the new school there have been new friends and lots of playdates.  She's been really enjoying the special treat of going home with one of her school mates and spending the afternoon playing.

In other big news, the little girl is learning to read.  She's picked up a bunch of sight words and has started being able to sound out others.  It's been exciting and empowering.  She's thrilled to be able to look at letters and find the words, to do what her brother's been able to do for so long.  It's also made the house a little more quieter as my two little bookworms curl up with their books for the afternoon.  It's happy.

Flower girl for Aunt Betsy

Sadie's has been in 2 weddings this year.  The first in August for Aunt Jackie and then in September for Aunt Betsy and of course, she enjoyed having the spotlight on her.  She did a very good job for both events and managed to get most of the guests at Aunt Betsy's wedding to do the chicken dance around her.  I wish I had pictures or video of that moment.  It was something else but Mommy, Daddy and Caleb were also doing the chicken dance too.

We've been so blessed to have another year watching our girl growing and learning.  We often don't know where this energetic extrovert came from but we love her so much.  Our family wouldn't be nearly as exciting without her.