Caleb is 6!

This is long overdue but once again life has gotten in the way of writing time.  Big things have been happening here.  We now have a full-blown, backpack-totin', bus riding, kindergartener!  And preparing this boy for kindergarten was comparable to preparing for a climb of Mt. Everest, at least, it seemed so to me.

Intellectually this boy has been ready for kindergarten since he was about 3 and a half.  No one denies that he's a smart boy (just like his daddy).  His favorite books to borrow from the library are science books- we've learned all about the universe, discovered dinosaurs and most recently, had to read all about the flu epidemic of 1918 (and yes, there is a children's book about the flu epidemic of 1918).  But there is always a down with the up.  The boy still struggles to write often to the point of a tantrum out of tiredness and frustration.  He's also still struggling with social things- looking people in the eye, answering and asking questions.  Making friends is difficult for him.  When he's curious about kids and willing to engage them in conversation, they're not wanting to talk to him.  And then you have the times where another kid approaches him, asks him a question or says hi and Caleb walks away.  Timing can be so difficult sometimes.  We've made tons of progress but there's still more to work on.

In this past year, the boy has done amazing things.  I still get a little teary thinking about the moment in Disney way back in March, how he dressed up in a Jedi robe, got up on stage, interacted with the Jedi master and fought Darth Vader.  We made it through 4 days of Disney fun with only a few bobbles.  He enjoyed Dinosaur camp at the museum (without his little sister).  He's become a seasoned ring bearer participating in  both Aunt Jackie and Aunt Betsy's weddings this summer.  And for those weddings, he wore a vest and tie (clip-on but still a tie!).  He's gotten so much better with his writing and using his words and controlling his temper.  We've gone from walking on eggshells not knowing what might set him off to a peaceful, albeit somewhat crazy household.  I don't have to stress about getting him to leave the house most days.  He's using his words more and more to sort out differences with his sister.  He's also getting better at recognizing and expressing his feelings.  Progress is a great thing and even with little regressions here and there, you know that progress was made once and can be done again and again.

And have Caleb's interests changed in this year...not really.

The boy still loves all things science- especially at the library.  He bounces back and forth between the Star Wars chapter books on one side of the children's section to the non-fiction science books on the other side.  Caleb continues to love, love, love to read.  He devours books and then rereads them again and again.  He laughs while he's reading, he asks questions about the worlds of Star Wars and Harry Potter.  Yes, that was the big thing late this summer.  The boy read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.  It took him a little over 4 hours.  It was a fluke.  I just randomly gave it to him for something to do.  We had tried to read it out loud a couple of times but he would lose interest just after a few chapters.  Well, apparently the problem is that silly mommy reads too slow.  Now the boy is bugging me weekly for the second book.  But this mommy is not quite ready for him to be plowing through that series (as much as I love it) so he has to be content with rereading book 1 for the next year or so.  And to his future reading teachers... I'm sorry but you've got a whole family that loves reading and so the boy is going to be well read.  We've polished of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 101 Dalmations (the original novel, not the Disney version), The Wizard of Oz, Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little and many more that I can't keep track of.  Most recently we've started Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM (he initially had no interest in this one but once I started reading it to Sadie, he's since become hooked).

Star Wars has also been tough.  The boy continues to love any and all things Star Wars and he has yet to see any of the movies.  I think we might be ready for Episode 1 soon (I hope).

The boy has developed some imaginary friends, which isn't surprising considering the posse that Sadie has surrounding her at all times.  However, Caleb seems to have befriended the villains.  Bowser, Emperor Palpatine, these are his buddies.  Bowser's entire family traveled to Disney with us and Caleb enjoyed telling us how Bowser and his family were having more fun then we were in different areas of the park. Most recently, Caleb seems to have recognized the importance of learning a second language.  He introduced us to El Suprimo his Spanish translator for Caleb Enterprises.  Speaking of Caleb World, it continues to grow and expand with his imagination.  I'm still not sure if I should be proud of his creativity or concerned for his quest for global domination.  But it's good to know that he's making his way and working hard even in his imaginary world.  It makes me so excited to see what he'll be when he's older.

So Caleb is in kindergarten, in our local public school.  I've been very pleased with it so far.  We prayed all spring and summer for his teacher and our prayers were answered.  His teacher is amazing!  She's caring and understanding and willing to work together with me to help this little guy.  We trade emails on a weekly basis.  She's open to suggestions that will help him in class. She's willing to let some things slide but will also stick to her guns and push him when he needs it.  She sees that much of the academics of kindergarten, he knows but that there are many other parts of school that he will struggle with.  Most importantly, I feel like I can trust her to care for my boy and that is a huge thing.  He's also making friends at school.  The couple of weeks were hard.  There was an incident on the bus and it turned out that Caleb was being picked on.  I don't have the unrealistic notion that my boy will get through 13 years of public school without enduring some teasing but to have it start on only the second week of school.  To have my boy ask me why a boy would call him a "thumbsucker"?  Why a boy would hit him?  Well, all my fears of him being targeted  and not even able to understand what was happening...  But it was sorted out.  My boy was not being targeted.  The boy on the bus was picking on all the kindergarteners and it was corrected.  And in the middle of it all, I went in to pick up Caleb from school and as he left his class line, all these little voices calling out "'bye Caleb"  It melted my heart and continues to at every lunchtime pick up.  My boy is making friends, slowly but surely.

Caleb has a team at school.  He's getting OT services, speech services and he's started in the gifted program.  I've been moved to tears at the people who are working so hard to help him succeed.  I feel blessed to be in an area where I don't have to fight them to recognize his challenges and that they aren't just meeting his needs but also helping him to grow so that he doesn't need as many supports.  It's been so encouraging and I feel confident that they'll continue to support him and encourage him to excel as he grows.

It's still bittersweet to watch my boy grow.  I miss that little baby who loved to curl up and be read to but I love this little boy that is so smart and caring and silly.

Picture Time!

Caleb's 6 year pictures and Sadie's 5 year pictures.  I'm happy with them and I didn't even need to bribe the boy to wear the hat :-)

The Little/Big Sister

We know that our little Sadie is a gift from God. Of course, we believe that all children are gifts but Sadie's our special gift. God knew Caleb and God knew that he needed Sadie.

Sadie has done more for Caleb than all of his therapies. I often wonder what our boy would look like if he had been an only child in our house of quiet introverts. Would he have retreated more and more into his books? Would he still struggle with games of pretend?

Our Sadie, from the start, refused to play by Caleb's rules and drew him out of his world and into her's with her imaginary Mexican family, talking dogs, ballerina cowgirls and, of course, the princesses.

Now as they're growing, I'm seeing Sadie beginning to take on a new role.

We spent the weekend at camp. Just me, the kids and Pappy (Andy was home working and participating in movie magic, being an extra for Batman). Weekends at camp are challenging- the nearest grocery store is a little one in a town about 30 min away over the mountain, there's no cell service, and then there's the constant reminder of my stepmother- but we do these weekends with my dad and hopefully make some new memories at their camp in the woods.

As the kids are getting older, they get more and more excited about going to camp. I'm thinking it's less about being out in the woods and more about Pappy's tendency to be very generous with cookies and Bugs Bunny cartoons. But the kids were very excited to go up. This trip was for cousin C's birthday and to pick blueberries.

As excited as the kids are to go to camp, these weekends can be a little more challenging for the Boy. It's really hard to keep a schedule and a routine at camp. Caleb needs to be very "go with the flow" and after a few days of that, he's often done. My dad has gotten much better in understanding Caleb but I know the tantrums make him uncomfortable so I'm on supermom duty trying to manage it all.

This weekend, Supermom, had a sidekick and I got to see my little girl understanding and trying so hard to calm her big brother.

Caleb did very good most of the weekend but we did have a couple of bobbles. One in particular was during video game time. This is often in the evenings when the Boy is tired, spent (coping-wise) and it makes for a sometimes volatile combination. In these situations, he has a really difficult time losing gracefully. This evening was no different and I'm not exactly sure how it happened but the boy lost a game, got very upset and when I came into the living room, Sadie was with him, trying very hard to calm him down. I could hear her soothing voice and see her gesturing with her hands, explaining that things were okay and that he needed to just settle down and we would sort it all out.

It was a sweet moment and made this mama very proud of her girl. Her little girl, growing up and recognizing her big brother's challenges. Her little girl caring more about him, than about playing her game with Pappy. And Caleb responded to her, calming down and then coming to me so that we could sort it all out.

It's happened a few more times since then. He hasn't gone into a full-blown tantrum but she's recognized instances where he might have difficulties and calmly tried to talk him through them.

I know she doesn't know Aspergers or even Autism but she loves her big brother and wants to help him. And this mama is happy to have all the help she can get, especially if it helps her boy.

Still in Holland: Part Two

We had a great week with G'ma. We filled the time with lots of fun activities and still made plenty of time for stories and playing pretend. Part of keeping Caleb together, means still having time for him to escape, to curl up with his 2 best friends- Giant Frog and a book. So we had plenty of time for that.

On G'ma's last day, we had some extra time so we decided to go to the Science Center for the morning. It was a nice way to avoid the heat but it was also very crowded. There were several camps there so we skipped the first two floors and headed up to the top floor to try to avoid the crowds a bit.

It's been awhile since I was last at the science center. It's changed quite a bit and I love the changes. One big change is the addition of a gated area on the top floor for ages 3-6 and their families. This was perfect for us. The camps started with kindergarten age kids and many of them couldn't come in because they didn't have chaperones with them. It was the perfect place for us and many of the other families trying to enjoy the science center.

The area has several climbing spots, a big water table, a place for dress ups and a little book corner and my boy's favorite, at the back is a contraption for moving plastic balls around. A conveyor belt takes them up to a bin at the top of the machine and when the bin gets too full, a whistle sounds and the balls drop down on whoever is underneath. I think just about every kid there loved that part. And my boy was right with them.

It was here that it hit me again- my boy is different. My boy has asperger's.

Caleb was eagerly loading the conveyor belt with balls or turning the wheel to take them up to the bin. He was so happy. A group of 6 yr olds convinced their chaperone to bring them into the area too. They quickly came back to this contraption (how could you resist?!). Caleb wasn't bothered by more kids and they didn't seem bothered by him. The whistle sounded, the balls dropped and it all began again with dozens of squeals and giggles. I kept watching Caleb and I noticed some boys working with him. They had their ages on their name badges- K-1. These were Caleb's peers. Caleb will be 6 in a little over a month. And as I watched him and them, he was bouncing and giggling and flapping. It was a bittersweet moment. I was thrilled to see him so happy, having such a great time. How can you not feel that joy when you see it on your child's face? And yet, seeing side by side the difference between my boy and these other children...

It's a reality. Fortunately, it's not a hopeless reality. He's going to keep growing and keep learning how to fit in this crazy world. He'll become more like these other kids, with a little extra help but at the same time, I truly hope that he doesn't lose that freedom to express his happiness. As a supremely self-conscious individual, I love that both my kids are so confident and willing to express themselves without reservation. I envy that freedom. I want Caleb to learn but not lose himself in all these treatments and therapies. Hopefully there will be a balance.

After awhile, he grew tired of the balls and ready to explore more things. I thought he might appreciate a reading break after being with all those kids for so long. I led him over the the book area and my boy casually glanced at the books but before I could take a seat to read with him, he had turned around and was making his way back to the water table?!?!! Of all things! He went to the water table, put on an apron and proceeded to get busy in the water. Who was this kid? G'ma was just as surprised as I was. This is the boy who still insists on changing his outfit if even the smallest drop of liquid lands on him. How many trips to the Children's Museum where we couldn't even consider going up to the water floor? And to turn down books in favor of getting wet?

My boy is growing. My boy is learning. My boy is getting a handle on his quirks and having an easier time playing.

Caleb spent a good 15 minutes playing in the water. He didn't even bat an eye when he got sprayed in the face by one of the other kids. He didn't complain that there were wet spots on his shirt and shorts. And at the end, we didn't spend any time at all with the books.

It was a good day and a great visit! Thank you G'ma for coming out to play :-)

Still in Holland: Part One

Yes, we're still in Holland. Many of you might say, "What?!?!" and if that's you, please click on the link and read. I really enjoyed that piece, the first time that I came across it.

We've been in Holland for some time now and maybe it's that it's becoming more familiar, or maybe it's becoming more like where we prepared to go but this week, I saw several reminders that we're still in Holland or that my son still has Asperger's.

I do quickly admit that I feel very blessed. With such a wide range of symptoms and abilities, I'm thankful that my boy is where he is. I'm thankful that he has a great team helping him, that we have great family and friends who understand and support us. I'm thankful for the huge progress that he's made in just this short year of treatment. I'm thankful that he's eager to go to school and that (so far) we have a school district willing to accommodate him and work with us to encourage his success. I'm thankful that I don't have some of the worries that other parents have.

I spend a lot of time reading their stories, other experiences with ASD and I am again and again amazed at the strength and dedication these families have. And then there are times when I'm reading and thinking of my boy and part of me says, "This isn't him. This diagnosis isn't real." I convince myself that he's just quirky and sometimes (but don't tell) I feel like I'm waiting for someone to say, "wait, he doesn't have that. He doesn't need all these treatments."

And then, we go out into the world and I see him with others his age and it hits me, sometimes hard and sometimes painful.

This week, I was hit twice. The first time didn't hurt too much because of the joy in my little guy's face. With G'ma here for the week, we decided to spend a day at Idlewild Park in Ligonier. This is a great park for kids and families and worth the trip if you're ever in Western PA.

It was a great day (hot but still fun) and it happened to be Super Hero Week for the park. Spiderman, The Hulk, Iron Man and Captain America were all going to be there, signing autographs and posing for pictures. Even thought my boy lives for his superheroes (and I'm convinced that Caleb Corporations has evolved from Tony Stark) Caleb actually didn't seem too eager so we took our time getting through the park and then we made it over to the stage shortly before the first set of superheroes were done. Of course, there was a decently long line stretching out into the hot sun of people waiting to get their autographs. We were already pretty hot and I had flashbacks from March and standing in line with Sadie to meet Ariel and Prince Eric on our Disney trip. I really didn't want to relive that experience. Caleb seemed content to go watch the characters from the audience with G'ma so I took Sadie on the ferris wheel. We got on the ride and the superheroes wrapped up. Then, from the top of the wheel, I could hear my boy and the tantrum began. I tried to relax- for many reasons, mostly that leaning forward in our little cart caused it to shake and rock and while I'm not completely scared of heights, in situations like this my very active imagination quickly plays out scenarios of me and my daughter falling to our deaths. So I sat back and strongly encouraged Sadie to sit back and not look for her brother. Of course, I knew G'ma could handle him. I couldn't ask for a better prepared G'ma for Caleb. She's a first grade teacher for many years and happens to have a ton of experience with kids like Caleb. She's often my go to person for advice and strategies for handling him. No problem. Plus, I thought to myself, he hasn't had a real tantrum in months and certainly not out in public. Again, I tried to relax and again, I could still hear my boy losing it. And worse, from our vantage point, I could see the people turning and staring. I swear I could hear their thoughts- I used to be there, the person watching the kid who is way too old having a tantrum. Sadly, I admit it, I was also the one thinking why can't the parents control their kid. I've since learned my lesson.

I wanted to yell for the ride operators to let us off. My mama bear instincts kicked in and I desperately wanted to be there to calm him down and sort things out. Again, not that I didn't trust my mom-in-law. I knew G'ma was doing her best with him. I knew she had an extra difficult situation- a hot, tired, cranky and disappointed boy is not always easy to calm down.

He continued to cry and scream in waves while Sadie and I went round and round and waited as they unloaded the wheel. It seemed to take forever. It was the longest he's carried on like this in ages and it felt like the longest I had ever been stuck on a ferris wheel.

He was still very upset when they let us off and I pulled Sadie over to the bench. I left her with G'ma and grabbed Caleb, still crying, and pulled him away to try to find some place more private. We headed for the bathroom and he settled a little while I put cool water on his hands and face. Then we found a quiet bench to sit and talk about how to solve this problem that made him so upset. All and all, he calmed down pretty easily and apologized to G'ma for carrying on like that.

Then mama stood in line with her boy to wait to meet Captain America and Iron Man.

Once again, all was right in Caleb's world and despite the tantrum, mommy couldn't resist picking up a Captain American doll for the boy to get autographed. (and just so you know, I was not rewarding the tantrum. that's not how it works with these kids. he didn't even ask for the doll and would have been perfectly fine going up to see the characters without it) He stood in line for over an hour, not even taking a break to go for a ride on the carousel. He was determined to not miss his heroes and the boy didn't even complain about the heat.

After getting our autographs and pictures, the boy needed some sensory time so we headed back the ball pit at Jumpin' Jungle. This is my boy's happy place. Feeling all the balls in the ball pit is perfect for him and all his sensory seeking. Not to mention, it was raining off and on and G'ma and I were enjoying the idea of sitting for a bit too.

After the ball pit, it was a climb up the cargo net. Then Sadie and G'ma hung out at the zip line, while Caleb and I went into the Jungle Catch. It's a little netted area with a bunch of air jets and plastic balls that you can set up to float on them. Caleb gets quite a kick out of this place and within minutes he was bouncing and giggling hysterically. Then he started putting his face over the jets and letting his hair stick straight up. I snapped pictures, eager to record the joy on his face and that's what it was, pure joy. My heart melted and then I glanced around at the other kids in there and I noticed it. For the first time I really saw it. He was bouncing and giggling and up on his tiptoes and flapping. Not bad things but things that you see in kids with ASD. But he smiled at me and I forgot all about it. He was happy and that's all that mattered.

2 steps forward, 1 step back

hmm, it really has been awhile. Summer ended and for awhile it was busier than when the kids were in school. They did a week of camps at the museum (Caleb in Dino Camp, Sadie in Art Camp) and then went to vacation Bible school the next week. In the midst of that, Caleb had his evaluation for Kindergarten (testing to see if he would need special ed services or not).

All of this has been interesting and challenging and stressful for this mama. The boy has come through it all really well. I've been so proud and amazed by how he handled the transition from school to summertime. We haven't been completely bump free but we've been much better than previous years.

I'm not sure how much of it is him coping better and how much of it is us learning to read him better, to know when he's had too much and needs his space to quietly read or to spend an entire day in pjs.

I love my boy and I'm thrilled to watch him grow. I'm excited that he's ready to go to Kindergarten, that he's so smart and surprises me each day with some new fact that he's picked up somewhere (yesterday it was about the parts of an ant, head, thorax, abdomen).

At the same time, I'm scared for him. He's leaving my protection, my safe haven where it's just us and we understand him. He's going to be with other adults, with other children and sometimes those adults aren't going to be patient with him and sometimes those kids are going to be mean to him. I tear up thinking about it and yet I know, that's a part of growing up. I know that I can't always be with him and I know that if he's going to understand how to be with others, he's going to need to spend time with others and sometimes that will have to be without me. I know my boy is amazing and funny and such a sweetheart. I also know that he's kind of weird and can be hard to talk to and I'm praying every day that he gets to be with people who fall in love with all of his amazing qualities and can overlook his quirks.

I see him trying so hard and I wish I could make it easy for him. This week he tried a small bite of zucchini. For most people, this would not be something worth posting about. He took the bite without resisting or fighting us. He swallowed it even while gagging and then it all came back up. We don't yet know why his body is like this. We just know that he can't control it. As I was cleaning him up in the kitchen, he kept saying "Mommy, I'm sorry. I tried to keep it in."

Today we had lunch and playtime at McDonald's. It's been a nice place to meet one of Sadie's classmates there. We have a long lunch with plenty of breaks to play and there's a constant flux of kids in to eat and play. It can be stressful though, at least for me. Up in the tubes, I can't see what's going on and I can't always keep track of Caleb and how he's interacting with the other kids. It's a loud place and so of course, my kids are loud too. Unfortunately, Caleb's loud, weird voice sometimes can scare the kids. Caleb will be trying to play but to some kids, his playing can look aggressive. And of course today, after some time playing, a group of girls decided that they didn't really like Caleb being around them. They told their moms that he was trying to hit them. Then they (the girls) told me that he was trying to "beat them up." I did my best to assure them that he wouldn't hit them, that he just liked to be loud. I could see in their eyes, they didn't believe me. I pulled Caleb down to apologize to the girls. The girls gloated at Caleb that they had told his mom. I still have no idea what happened. He says the girls were being mean to him and I can believe that but I've also seen other kids unsure of him when he's yelling and carrying on.

It's these situations that make me nervous. It's these situations that make me pray more fervently for God to send him a special friend to navigate school with all it's complex social situations. We just hope for 1 friend.

Pirate game 2011

Our first Pirate game for the year and it was so much fun. We ended the outing with running the bases. Caleb, Sadie and their friend Simon, stood in line and patiently waited to walk out on the field and run the bases.

here's video of us walking out onto the field




and running the bases...



there will be more pics to come but i'm too tired to retouch right now. Sadly, the Buccos lost but we still had lots of fun